Very rarely do I ever have any serious desire to meet celebrities. This is partly because, like I pointed out before, I am pretty out of touch with pop culture, and partly because I have met a bunch of celebrities. Most of the time, they are very disappointing - douches.

Sitting here in my coffice (coffee shop + office) next to the Gaming Club (they play board games here twice a week) I don't feel too Hollywood, though I guess I am... since I live in Hollywood. But, I didn't move out here because it was my dream to hang out with Paris Hilton or pal around with Wilmer "Yo Mama" Valderama. These Gaming Club guys can get a little rowdy, but I can tell you from experience, they are much less annoying to be in the same room with than the Valderama.

This said, I have to admit that every once in a while I hear enough about a famous person that I actually want to meet them, to see what they are really like.

I have been feeling this way about Lady Gaga for a while now for a couple of reasons. First, she kind of reminds me of my week long high school ex-girlfriend Larkin Grimm (a weirdo musician in her own right) and a couple of other girl friends (friends that are girls). This feeling of familiarity is all about her general craziness and desire to dress to impress or offend. Second, she kind of looks like my old boss Suzie from Liberty Curio, a junk shop that I worked at selling junk on Ebay and Craigslist.

Recently (30 minutes ago after I read her Wikipedia entry), I started to feel a desire to meet Ke$ha too. I don't know how much of her Wikipedia entry is true, but she had me at "breaking into Prince's house." Anyone crazy enough to enter Prince's domain uninvited... wow. Throwing up in Paris Hilton's closet is pretty cool too. Plus, she is hot, really hot, and like me and Lady Gaga, she likes to hang out in her undies.

I know I said I don't like blondes in my post about Chuckota (super celebrity couple Chuck McCarthy and Dakota Fanning), but I am pretty sure that neither Ke$ha nor Lady Gaga are real blondes. Moreover, I just want to meet them, get to know them. Dating is a long way down the road. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I might hate both of them in real life.

Anyway, I decided that I am going to try to meet and hang out with Lady Gaga and Ke$ha. This is where living in Hollywood comes in handy. I am fairly confident that I can track them down. Los Angeles is big, but not that big.

I already found both of their Myspace profiles, and friended them. I hope they accept. Lady Gaga was online when I sent her the request, so maybe she will get back to me soon!

Let me know if you have any advice... or if you are Ke$ha or Lady Gaga, let's hang.

Digging deeper and deeper into M Magazine, it didn't take me long to discover that I wasn't as out of touch as I had initially thought. On page 13, not only did I find out that Taylor and Taylor are both a little unsure about dating someone named Taylor, but I also found out that M Magazine readers are interested in being in the last Twilight movie, something I had blogged about 4-5 months ago.
M Magazine doesn't just pose the question though, they answer it.

"Can you be in the last Twilight movie?"

M Magazine's answer? "Yes."

I immediately started taking their advice. I went to ExploreTalent.com. Though there were no actual casting call listings for Twilight: Breaking Dawn, and it seems like a sight completely based on exploiting dreams to identify a certain marketing demographic, I signed up. I also started reading Breaking Dawn for the 9th time, as suggested, and I started really trying to be myself, as suggested.

One of their pieces of advice did seem to be a little bit of a no-brainer: "Try not to act super-duper bubbly or overly eager."

Duh! The only super-duper bubbly vampire in the Twilight series is Alice. Do I look like Alice?

I have no idea what Michael Jordan's been doing since he retired from basketball, but apparently he's been sucking at Twitter. Badly. Almost everyday. This peak inside his brain makes us believe that he might be the most boring super talented person in the world. He's defintely no Shaq, whose tweets routinely make us go lolwhut (lolwhu!?!). Here's a sample of the basketball legend's greatest non-hits:

Clearly, Michael Jordan is your 55-year-old mom with a huge crush on somebody.

This is the only he can say about the New Years? You ate too many shrimp. You're a legend and this is your only comment about NYE. Fantastic. At least we know we had a better NYE than somebody.

TWO HANDS TOGETHER, PEOPLE. LET'S CLAP IT UP. MICHAEL JORDAN DOES WHAT I DO EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT AFTER DRINKING A 24 PACK OF PABST.

Clearly, Gizmodo should hire this guy.

Ok, we have to hand it to MJ. This is a question worth asking. If you're 4-years-old. Or high. He was probably high.

If you'd like periodic updates from LG, you can follow us on Twitter @liquidgen. We promise to be just as boring as MJ and not spam you.

Awhile ago we asked for all the ladies out there to take a man's virginity. Well, we need another favor. The man you see below is wearing a Super Mario Bros. sweater and her doesn't have a chance. If there is anyone out there who at least wants to hold his hand, let us know. We know that asking you take take his virginity is like asking you to murder a small puppy, but look at him. He's so....so virgin-4-life-ish. It's sad.

This is just idle speculation from a picture we found on the internet (the site currently doesn't not work that well, so we won't link to it), but since Tiger came out and admitted that he had an affair, now we're just going to assume he's banged every chick he's come into contact with. It's only fair right!?! Of course it is. We state from here on out: We will just assume that Tiger's boned every girl that he's taken a photo with in his entire career!

Here's Tiger with some super skinny cheerleader. She also believes in the devil. OMG, YOU GUYS! TIGER BANGS DEVIL WORSHIPERS!

Cook and talk show host Paula Deen (OUR MOTHER LOVES YOU FOR MAKING OUR WHOLE FAMILY FAT, PAULA!!) was recently assualted by a flying ham. We hate it when that happens. We were once walking through the super market and a box of Twinkies just landed in our mouth and went straight to our hips. Swear to God!