PailIsTheNewTan.com will change your life forever. Or at least until you vomit all over your computer screen. Since when to people spreak Marmalade on their skin? Delicious!
Dear Helga,
I’ve always been fit, but recently, I’ve been stressed out and working a lot, and I’ve put on 10 pounds. I’m horrified by it, but my boyfriend says that he can’t tell the difference. I find that extremely hard to believe. Are guys really that nonchalant about weight?
Dear Tenner,
Of the few certainties in life, you can be certain of two things: 1.) men don’t fake orgasm – and 2.) are NOT nonchalant about YOUR weight.
Even though your BF may be carrying the last 50 beers he drank around his belly, your extra dime is a bigger crown of thorns for him than for you. But – he is wisely taking the passive approach – for now. He wants to see if you are really as horrified as you claim to be.
Get your tonnage back to the gym big-cheeks. You’re not following process. First you marry him and pop out 2.5 children THEN you can cut your hair, gain your weight, quit your job and whatever else you women do before settling on the couch for the next 30 years.
Love,
Helga
Do you have a question that can only be answered by our uncircumcised, pre-operative transsexual? Write to him/her: helga@helgasmailroom.com
Or Visit: http://www.helgasmailroom.com
Or, better yet, get bent.
In this month's Playboy Magazine, supernerd James Cameron said he designed his female Avatar aliens with breasts, even though they're not placental mammals (don't worry, we have no idea what that means either!). Since the movie cost around $500 million and it's in 3D, we can only hope that those boobs are so amazing they pop out of the screen and punch us in the face so hard they give us a black eye. We hope! But what if they aren't? Whose computer generated/animated boobs will you fall back on?
We've always been partial to Angelina Jolie in Beowulf, which you probably didn't see because the movie sucked. But damn, look! They even made her eyes look like she wants nothing to do with us, just like in real life!
Do you have any favorite computer generated characters? Share in the comments. Watch our 10 Sexiest Cartoon Characters if you need a little help deciding.
Are You A Freak In Bed?
Come one, come all, to the bedroom big top! Your sex life can seem like a circus sideshow sometimes. The question is: Are you a center-ring attraction beneath the sheet or are you the kind of freak that gets stuck outside the tent and pelted with tomatoes?
Celebrity Yearbook Game
We've found pictures of all your favorite celebrities at the most horrible and embarrassing time of life: middle school. Can you see past the pimples and find your favorite (soon-to-be) celebrity?
Orchestra Conductor Prank
Thank God there is always a camera rolling at middle school orchestra recitals, that way the child is traumatized for life and not just a minute.
New Technology To Wipe Your Butt
We feel silly for using our own hands to wipe our ass all these years. If we knew the Comfort Wipe existed, our life would be so much more awesome and our hands would be a lot less smelly. And brown.
Natalie Imbruglia Lives!
Remember Natalie Imbruglia? She sings that one song we forgot the name off? Well yeah, here she is. She had to wear a bikini to make people notice here again.
10 Sexiest Strippers In Movies
Life's challenging enough. We help by putting together the ten hottest actresses to take a turn on the pole and play a stripper.
1980s Wendy's Training Video
If the people that worked at Wendy's really were this cool than we'd have no problem eating their for the rest of our lives.
LIQUIDGENERATION.COM INTERNET PRIVACY STATEMENT
This statement describes the privacy policy of LiquidGeneration, Inc. ("LiquidGeneration") for its website, Liquidgeneration.com. It applies only to Liquidgeneration.com, so if you visit other sites linked to Liquidgeneration.com, you should review the privacy policies of those sites. Also, this privacy policy does not apply to Liquidgenerations’s practices for gathering information offline or at other sites that it may own or operate. Also, LiquidGeneration reserves the right to update this policy at any time without notice, so we suggest that you occasionally review it.Information collected by Liquidgeneration.com:
Personal information.
You do not have to provide personal information to access or browse Liquidgeneration.com. However, we may ask you to provide personal information in connection with various opportunities and activities available at Liquidgeneration.com. By "personal information," we mean information that is identifiable to you. Personal information requested might include, for example, your email address, or, where identifiable to you, other information such as your age, zip code, gender and/or ethnicity.Automatic or Navigational Information. When you visit Liquidgeneration.com, we capture certain information automatically (even if you do not provide us with personal information), including your Internet protocol (IP) address, browser type, time and date of access and pages accessed. This "automatic" information, however, may become identifiable to you – and therefore "personal information"-- if you provide us with your email address or other personal information with which such "automatic or navigational" information then becomes programmatically associated.
Information Collected by Cookies.
We use cookies to collect information about how visitors use Liquidgeneration.com and what pages and features visitors find more or less interesting.Ownership of Submissions
Videos, photos, emails, letters and any other information, uploaded, emailed, File Transported, or otherwise communicated to LiquidGeneration Inc., its employees and staff, or any agents or representatives of LiquidGeneration Inc, including writers for the LiquidGeneration Blogs and Mailroom become the property of LiquidGeneration Inc., and they will have the right to use them free of charge, and in any manner and in any medium, forever and throughout the world. This means that submissions might appear in publications including, but not limited to, a book, newsletter or on a LiquidGeneration Inc. web site. If you do not want your submissions to become the property of LiquidGeneration Inc., please do not submit, upload, email or otherwise communicate them to us.Who else has access to the information you provide?
Except as provided below, we do not transfer information to third parties in a manner that identifies you. Thus for example, we would not sell information that includes your email address. We do transfer to third parties and/or release to the public certain aggregate information (for example about the visiting habits of our visitors generally or of groups of our visitors), but that information will not contain information that identifies you.There are three groups of exceptions to our policy of not transferring personal information to third parties:
Children and LiquidGeneration.com:
LiquidGeneration has no intention of collecting any personally identifiable information from individuals under thirteen years of age.Security:
Third Party Advertising:
The ads appearing on this Web site are delivered to you by DoubleClick, our Web advertising partner. Information about your visits to this site, such as number of times you have viewed an ad (but not your name, address, or other personal information), is used to serve ads to you. For more information about DoubleClick, cookies, and how to "opt-out", please click here.Third Party Cookies:
In the course of serving advertisements to this site, our third-party advertiser may place or recognize a unique cookie on your browser.Choice/Opt-Out
Liquidgeneration.com provides you the following options for modifying or removing information our databases:
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Questions?
you have any questions regarding this Privacy Statement, the practices of LiquidGeneration, or your dealing with our web site, please contact us.
Liquid Generation has been corrupting the internet since 2000. We make funny, irreverent entertainment for web junkies and procrastinators of all types. From cartoons to videos, from games to online pranks, we do it all and we do it awesome.
Whenever you’re alone. Whenever you want to avoid work. Whenever you have no one to hug.
Liquid Generation is here to serve you.
We Love You,
Liquid Generation
P.S. You can write to us at talkback@liquidgeneration.com
We at Liquid Generation love it when friends, family, and personal enemies write to us with suggestions on how to make this website better. You should also feel free to email us if you find anything on the website that’s confusing, missing, spelled incorrectly, or just doesn’t work. We will promptly bring the wrongdoer out to the woods behind our office and shoot them to death.
However, if you just think that one of our animations, games or videos sucks, just keep those niceties to the comment section in each feature, loser.
You can email us at Talkback@liquidgeneration.com
Tyrese – Imperial Warlord
Tyrese Abdul Salaam Mohammad is Liquid Generation’s Imperial Warlord. Not much is known about His Excellency, except that he’s evaded numerous attempts on his life by the rival warlords that once roamed the dangerous streets in his hometown of Highland Park, IL. Now in California, Tyrese enjoys bonsai gardening and yo-yo dieting.
Email: tyrese@liquidgeneration.comSlippy Jenkins – Head Writer
Slippy Jenkins is the Head Writer at Liquid Generation. His responsibilities include the writing of things that are funny, as well as making sure that everything that goes up on Liquid Generation doesn’t suck. He and the LG creative team have been responsible for hundreds of popular cartoons, games and online tchotckies that have been seen by millions of people around the world and featured in the Chicago Sun-Times, Entertainment Weekly, Maxim Magazine, US Weekly, Defamer, Best Week Ever, G4TV, CNN, and one of his mother’s favorite “trash mags” Star Magazine, among others. He would like you to know that the previous sentence sounds really good when justifying his trade of penis & fart jokes to friends, family and potential girlfriends. Slippy Jenkins would also like you to know that his LG Sabotage screams are the direct result of pure talent and not of any vocal steroids, alcohol, street drugs, or other performance enhancers.
Slippy Jenkins currently lives in Los Angeles with his Roomba.
Email: slippyjenkins@liquidgeneration.comMonkey - Creative Director
Monkey began his illustrious career on the Internet by freelancing as a web designer. He was well known for creating some of the gaudiest self-serving Flash sites on all of the internets. He quickly joined the ranks of LG when they were headed in the direction of a Teen Portal. Soon after, Monkey and the other early members of LG realized that a Teen Portal was not the direction they should be going in, they should be making funny animations and games. Monkey’s illustration talents soon came into play and he began illustrating and animating for LG. Monkey soon realized that his years as a failed musician could also come in handy. He applied his talents to making LG’s famous PopToons -- the internet’s most sought after animated music videos starring celebrities. But, Monkey had another talent that his mother didn’t even tell him about: voiceover acting. Ever since he found out the he was one of the most talented voice actors to hit the “web stage,” he began doing most of the voices on the site, and continues to do so to this day. Monkey loves long walks on the beach, and bragging about his title of Liquid Generation’s own Creative Director.
Email: themonkey@liquidgeneration.comHelga Mohammed el-Salami – Chief Technology Officer
Helga Mohammed el-Salami, Secretary of Email Defense, Code Bitch, pre-operative transsexual.
Mr./Ms. el-Salami was an early convert to the Internet Revolution when, somewhere over a decade ago, he/she stole the source code from an early web page and boldly changed the header text. Since then, he/she has stolen code from tens of thousands of sources and appropriated it for Liquid Generation’s nefarious purposes. Some may have even been yours.
Several years ago, Mr./Ms. el-Salami had been charged with maintaining visitor satisfaction by serving as Liquid Generation’s email liaison. A job that, if judging by the volume of anger flowing through the mailroom, he/she has not been doing all that well
In his/her spare time, which we desperately try to minimize, Mr./Ms. el-Salami enjoys reading books and memorizing the Koran although he/she has had a hard time reconciling the teachings of the prophet with his/her desire to be the first trans-gendered lesbian. But regardless of his/her personal hurdles, Helga Mohammed el-Salami remains a soul seduced by the Internet’s romance. And its pornography.
Awkward!
Throughout life awkward things are bound to happen to you. These are some of the awkward things that will happen if you have absolutely zero luck.
Operation and the Temple of Doom
Operate on the skinny Indian man but don't screw up or you're going to end this man's life.
The Worst Day of Their Young Lives
Watch as these girls totally lose it over Dave Archuleta losing on American Idol. And by "lose it" I mean GO BANANAS.
Guess The Ugly Celebrity Kid
If you get too famous, God curses you with ugly, stupid children. See if you can tell which celebrity parent gave life to this repulsive boy or girl.
O.J. Simpson vs. His Glove
OJ Simpson is in trouble again and he needs some legal advice. Who to help, but the man who saved his life – his killer black glove!
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