Wow you guys, only in our wildest dreams could we afford such a nice dress and beautiful hair extensions. Having such a dress allows for quick toilet use, sans the hassle of cleanup.

The horrendous atrocity that was the Britney Spears VMA performance can be summed up in this one image. Priceless.

Britney Spears is a witch. Only a level 8 Warlock with melee skills can change their eye color, its called a glamour. Look it up NEWB!

Seriously, someone just needs to take this poor girl aside and euthanize her. Was their a shortage of classy dresses in her trailer? Is she trying to turn guys gay? WHY GOD WHY!?

Britney Spears proves that she can leave the house without looking like a Hurricane Katrina victim.

Britney Spears has truly hit rock bottom. Chris Angel? You don't need him to make your career vanish, that’s what you're for.

This week Philip Norris gives you a round-up of the latest news, including a sad story about Britney Spears, who sucks at being a mom.

Yet another stupid rumor about Britney Spears. Is she gay? Or is it that she just likes getting naked and sucking face with just about everyone?

This week Lou Berk sits down with Britney Spears’ mom, who allegedly had a sexual affair with Kevin Federline.

According to sources on the set of her latest music video, Britney Spears was so emotionally distressed that she demanded all the extras leave the stage while she attempted to pole dance. Let us pray that poor pole was heavily disinfected… scratch that - just burn it.

Britney's crystal ball may be covered in fried chicken grease, but it still gets the job done!

Blogger Perez Hilton succeeded in making Britney Spears look sexy and fit by comparison when he paraded hit fat ass around in a pink wig, flip flops, and a Cheetos bag. He even out-crotched her.

Britney's doing her best Sydney Brisco impersonation, but unlike the real Alias spy, Spears sucks. Guess what Brit: we know it's you!

It seems that Britney needs to take the advice of fellow blonde and use some Proactiv!

Britney Spears' website is giving fans the chance to name her upcoming album, in exchange for insight into her sick, retarded sense of humor.

Rumor has it that she has a deal with a paparazzi company, and she's doing this sh!t for ca$h. Figures.

Her underwear should just come with camera cross-hairs on the crotch.

Watch Suri Cruise, Sean Preston Spears, Moses Paltrow and Baby Bradgenlina in this parody of everybody’s favorite Saturday morning cartoon, The Muppet Babies.

Britney Spears put on a secret show at the House of Blues San Diego last night, under the fake group name "The M&Ms." Apparently she lip-sync'd and gave a lap dance. But no one put money in her thong!

Britney Spears posed for creepy, child-like topless photos, opting to cover her nips with flowers. Let's hope she took these pics while at Promises!