In Russia.

Sadly, I have heard other people suggest this.

Sadly, I have never even solved one.

No harm, no foul.

Yes it’s Tuesday, but that doesn’t mean the week is gone; we still have four more days to fail at everything we’ve set out to accomplish on Monday. Like telling you why this week is going to be awesome. Keep on reading, we have proof! 


1. There are 10 more days until Christmas. This means you have just enough time to shop for decent presents without everything being sold out (and don’t forget about free shipping). You still have time to make those cool photo books in iPhoto instead of buying another framed picture or those horrible electronic picture frames which never look good and never work. You have just enough time to send out Christmas cards and perhaps even hand write them instead of doing a Google search of “Fat Santa Sitting At The Computer” and sending it out to everybody like you’re Corky from Our House. There’s still time to break up with your girlfriend and not look like a dick (cut off date is, like, today tho). You can also take these 10 days to invite as many ladies over to your place as you can to watch Love Actually and try to get laid. Other Christmas movies might work, but this one is the best. And quickly, you have 10 days to eat, sleep, drink, smoke, gamble and commit just about any act of excess without it looking too bad. It’s Christmas after all.

2. Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are divorced. Now it’s in poor taste to celebrate any one's heartbreak, but please. This is not only a victory for the Free The World’s Boobs From Douche Movement, but victory for those us delusional enough to think they might someday have a chance with Scarlett.

3. THIS IS THE WEEK WE SOLVED AIDS - Kinda! An HIV-man who underwent stem-cell treatment transplant has been cured as a result of the procedure. This seems like good news for science and bad news for zombies because we’re gonna cure that ailment next! 


4. It’s this easy to rip off a casino these days. Remember in Oceans 11 when Brad Pitt had to hire a little Asian man and 10 other movie stars to break into a Casino and rob the crap out of it? Well it turns out that was all just a waste of fake, Hollywood money! All you need to do is walk into a casino with a motorcycle helmet on your head and in two minutes you’re a millionaire! 


5. You have 15 days to find or hire a date for New Years Eve. This is a long time to find a date, even for losers, which is why we mentioned you also hire a date because that is always more fun. 


Have a great rest of the week!

Like all people who don't consult the Bible to solve practical problems, I'm at war with Christmas. I wish people "Happy Holidays" , promote the idea of Santa Claus in order to deflect attention away from the role of the Christ-child, and accentuate the pagan elements of the celebration in favor of the Christian ones, which are in extreme danger with our country maintaining a paltry incidence of Christians at a mere 76%. And why wouldn't I? I stand to gain so much from the effort, I really can't afford not to. But we need a shot in the arm. So I'm mining the great war-mongers of the past for material. What do say, Genghis? How would you attack Christmas?

Genghis Khan: Well, first I'd find a few stores that feature religiously neutral decorations, like holly, wreaths, and maybe even some Kwanzaa stuff, because they'd clearly be part of the war effort. I'd absorb them into my army and ride to a store that has the nerve to wish people "Merry Christmas" when they check out. While riding we'd drag yule logs behind our horses to kick up extra dust and give the appearance of greater numbers. When I arrived at the store, let's say it's a Wal-Mart in Texas, I'd explain to the manager that he can either surrender, or everyone in the store can be killed. Then I'd camp out that night, instructing my soldiers to each light 3 Christmas trees apiece instead of just one, again to give the impression of greater numbers. We'd probably light a few Menorahs as well, just to show how at war with Christmas we really are. Naturally, there would be no praying.

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This guy actually sounds and looks like the happiest man in the universe. There should really be a Puppy hate that you can wear at all times. Like a baseball cap with about 9 or 10 puppies that dangle from it and lick your face. You'd never be angry at the world or depressed. It would solve everything.

I just finished reading the January / February issue of M Magazine cover to cover. Along the way I discovered so many crazy secrets that had me going OMG 4 DAYZ and LOLZING all over the place.

I found that there is a famous kid named BooBoo, Miley Cyrus and her grandma are actually twins (the details as to what kind of time travel or cryogenic freezing was involved are hazy), Kim Kardashian loves big juicy hotdogs, and only Taylor Swift's brother Austin knows that she has a Britney Spears poster hanging in her bathroom! Oops! I just spilled that! OMG now EVERYONE KNOWS!

Don't think for a second that I didn't find some things out about myself, too. I learned that, as a middle child, I am "a total peacemaker who can solve fights that break out (solving fights is harder than solving puzzles)," and I also found out that I am going to catch my crush with sweetness and by not being in the middle of "drama-rama."

With every page turned, I found something more and more amazing, and on the last page, I discovered my favorite section of M Magazine. No SILLY! Not the end! OMG I totes never wanted to finish reading! No, I found the M Comics section!

The M Comics section is soooooo nutz! Demi ate some pizza and then, and then she, she farted in Frankie's face playing Twister! Yeah! He totally got "fart bombed!" Then, then you won't believe it! Noah and Frankie silly stringed "Niley" right when they are about to kiss! I almost died TOTES LOLZ OMG. The "lil sibs do rule!"

Now that I am done with this issue, I guess I will just have to follow @M_Magazine on Twitter to stay up to date on all my celeb gossip until next month's issue comes out!

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration this week.