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When I was asked to write for Liquid Generation, my first though was, "Yes!" My second thought was, "What the F am I going to write about that people are going to care about?" I have no idea what is going on in the world, and I'm sure that you, the LG reader, don't want to hear about my mom making hats, my roommate Kate eating all my potato chips, or my inability to feel... anything... in my heart... I am dead inside...
So what did I do?
I did some research. I turned to THE source for mainstream pop culture here in the United States of America, M Magazine. Guess what. I was not disappointed.
Less than 5 pages into the magazine I came across this article about Serena Williams' recent tennis win against Mother Nature (must be Mick Foley's cousin). Apparently, Serena shut Mother Nature out in straight sets, proving not only herself as THE dominant force in women's tennis, but also showing great ethical fortitude, as apparently Mother Nature has been trying to bribe her by sending her a gift every month.
Okay, you got me. It's not an article. It's an ad for Tampax tampons, the most ridiculous ad for tampons I have ever seen, and completely indicative of the kind of slovenly work that is being done in every corner of print media - people all around are doing crappy jobs.
I couldn't find out exactly how much Serena is getting paid to endorse Tampax, but taking into account how much she has been paid for other endorsement deals, it is probably somewhere in the area of $3 million. The photographer who shot this ad probably made at least a couple of grand for a couple hours work. The art director's copy editors, and everyone involved made a good amount of money from putting this ad together, yet they picked the photo that looks like Serena is squeezing out a fart, not celebrating victory.
Maybe it was all Serena's fault. Maybe she never gave them the right look.
All I am saying is that if you paid me $3 million, I would start using tampons, I would make the right face in the photo shoot, and I could probably even take the picture myself... I have a camera with a timer on it.
Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration the next couple weeks!
Well, well, well. Aren’t we just the cat’s meow. And I say good for you, Tiger! Listen, we all get it; we’ve all been there. I mean, who among us isn’t a billion dollar entity who regularly dips the ol’
9-iron into a waitress’ wedge? It’s the circle of life! (And just a regular Tuesday, if you live in Florida or Nevada!)
But why is the media so willing to fault Tiger for these transactionsgressions? If there’s anyone to blame for Tiger’s “Mistress of the Month Club”, it’s his parents. Give your baby a porn star’s name, and what can you expect? It’s like naming a kid Jeeves. Or Ruth. One’s bound to fetch your smoking jacket; the other’s destined to become a hulking Eastern European who sloughs off the dead skin on your heels.
But Tiger’s parents’ poor name choices aside, what’s the big deal? Should the big-bucks sponsors like Nike and Cadillac really care what Tiger does off the tee? Because by my count, he’s just sticking with brand awareness:
Nike: “Just Do It”
Check.
Cadillac: “Re-imagined. Re-inspired. Re-invigorated. All designed to reignite the soul.”
Check.
AT&T: “Talk is good.”
If you’re a brand, check.
So by that logic, Tiger’s Sexy Times may just help our economy keep on going. His marriage may not, but that’s his parents’ fault.
Hmm. We don't know about this. At first we were like, "Oh, Storm Trooper mid-riffs are hot!" And then we waited a second, looked at the girls one more time and were like, "These chicks look like they smoke three packs of cigarettes a day! Not hot!" What do you think?
10 Best After School Specials
In addition to saying no to smoking, drugs, alcohol and sex, you should say no to After School Specials.
Watermelon Woman
She's Brazilian, she's tabloid famous and what you really want to know, her butt measures 46 inches all the way around. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it if that's at all possible given the size constraints.
What's Your Sexual Fetish?
Are you into feet? Stuffed animals? Monkeys? Well take this quiz and we'll tell you what your sexual fetish is!
Winehouse Celebrates Earth Day
By smoking a joint, what did you expect her to plant a tree and drive a hybrid?
Britney Is Defintely Bangable Again
This seals the deal. Today Britney Spears performed on Good Morning America and she looked smoking hot. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRITNEY!
Smoking Kills Video Game Characters
This isn't very convincing since the ability to respawn in real life would encourage much worse behavior than smoking butts.
Mischa The Mystical Fairy
Any and every girl who chooses to dress like this is either 8 years old or smoking a ton of pot with mustachioed men named Jude.
Oh right, Britney Spears
Almost forgot about you, how are you doing? Wearing sweatpants, smoking cigarettes, and showing a little bump, good to see you're staying the course.
Tyra Explores Trampling Fetish
Is this really what daytime television looks like now? Should Mom really be watching this while she fixes dinner?
Harold and Kumar 2 Trailer
In theaters 4-25-2008. Harold and Kumar 2, follows the cross-country adventures of the pot-smoking duo as they try to outrun authorities who suspect them of being terrorists when they try to sneak a bong on board their flight to Amsterdam.
Jessica Simpson's Smurf Fetish
Tony Romo, there is no way to have blue-icing make outs and a respectable NFL career, it's just not possible.
Paula Abdul's Shrunken Head Fetish
Paula had just the right mix of Xanax, Prozac and Jack in her Coke last night.
Mariah Carey Goes Hipster
Jack McBrayer aka Kenneth the Page, stars in the new Mariah Carey video. BET should see a spike in their Parliament smoking, DayGlo wearing, blogger demographic.
Tyra Banks Crosses The Line
Getting BBWs from Craigslist and showing their homemade fetish movies on national television is out of control. WhatWouldOprahDo?
Smoke on the Mizu
Not only is Deep Purple's classic the first song guitarists learn but it is also the first song Japanese orchestras learn.