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Exclusive: First Photo Of Tiger Woods Post-Ass-Beating

By: Slippy Jenkins
December 02 2009, 10:10 AM

 

You guys have no idea how much money we paid for this photo of Tiger Woods. We've been working with TMZ, X17Online, Jason Bourne and none of them were able to get this EXCLUSIVE picture of Tiger Woods post-ass-beating. All of those websites suck.  How did we get this picture? Don't ask because it involves the shady transfer of monies between shady people and other things we don't want to talk about (okay, we promised the photographer a signed picture of Edward Cullen!). Here it is: the totally not fake first photo of Tiger Woods post-ass-beating.

 

 

 

Slim Fit Commercial

Slim Fit Commercial

If you're looking to get skinny, try a Slim Suit. And than after that doesn't work, try Crystal Meth!

 

Dove Pro-fatty Propaganda

Dove Pro-fatty Propaganda

Unilever, Dove's parent company, also produces Slim-Fast and Ben & Jerry's. Which is it, fat is beautiful or ugly?

 

Mary-Kate Oldson

Mary-Kate Oldson

Miss Mary dresses like Mrs. Finch from "Follow that Bird". She looks like she escaped from the mental wing of Shady Pines retirement community. Get a new look granny!

 

Beef Jerky Babe

Beef Jerky Babe

Wow, nothing says sexy like a surgary brown tan and thigh muscles so strong, she could crack your head open. Snap into a slim Jim!

 

Slim Goodbody

Slim Goodbody

Slim's the man with a plan that don't got no hand. Actually, he doesn't have skin. But that doesn't rhyme as well.

 

Sexy Billboard Advertisement

Sexy Billboard Advertisement

Ah, now we know who to call when we want some shady sex.