The latest in safer-sex technology.

Now it wants to eat some heads.

Gee, what a surprise.

The road to professional sports is one of the most effective sociopath assembly lines in the world. Separated from their peers by talent as kids, pandered to as teenagers, and idolized as adults, today's college and professional athletes know that forgiveness is only one contrite press conference away. We keep track of their antisocial behavior and marvel at their sociopathleticism in the Sociopathlete Round-Up.

Sociopathlete: Sal Alosi, Strength and Conditioning Coach, New York Jets,
Former Linebacker, Hofstra
We learned today that Alosi has been suspended indefinitely (his suspension was previously scheduled to be up at the end of this season) when the Jets "found out" that he had ordered players to form a wall along the sidelines in order to impede Dolphins special teamer Nolan Carroll if he ventured out of bounds. Alosi stuck his leg out, tripped Carroll, and is now awaiting his sportsmanship award from Jets coach Rex Ryan. The other shoe may not have dropped in this case, since the notion of a strength coach taking it upon himself to order inactive players to interfere with punt coverage in an organized manner seems a bit far-fetched. If it came from above, or even from the top, this could place the entire Jets franchise in the pantheon of sociopathletics.

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The road to professional sports is one of the most effective sociopath assembly lines in the world. Separated from their peers by talent as kids, pandered to as teenagers, and idolized as adults, today's college and professional athletes know that forgiveness is only one contrite press conference away. We keep track of their antisocial behavior and marvel at their sociopathleticism in the Sociopathlete Round-Up.

Sociopathlete: Lawrence Taylor, former Linebacker, New York Giants
The real LT appeared in court the other day to claim that police violated his rights when they entered a hotel room he was sleeping in to seize evidence that he had paid a sixteen-year-old runaway $300 for sex. Court papers in a related but separate case say he admitted to sex acts with the girl. What they don't say is that LT didn't even practice soliciting prostitutes during the week, he just showed up on soliciting-prostitutes-day and made it happen. But at least he's taking it seriously.

Sociopathlete: Albert Haynesworth, Defensive Lineman, Washington Redskins
Brett Favre made the list last time for doing his job. Haynesworth makes it for refusing to do his. Coach Mike Shanahan suspended him for the final four games of the season without pay. Haynesworth didn't want to play nose tackle in the team's 3-4 defense. But he also didn't want to find a new team and give up his 21 million dollar contract bonus. So he just stayed on, but also didn't do his job - the best of both worlds. He also needed 10 days to pass a conditioning test at the start of training camp, showing that you don't need athleticism to have sociopathleticism.

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Half of Saudi women are fat - "Nearly half of Saudi women aged between 30 and 45 years are fat and this makes them more vulnerable to heart diseases, according to a medical study published in a local newspaper on Monday." Mean.

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Lifehacker pretended to be a doctor last week and put together an article about What Alcohol Actually Does to Your Brain and Body. It's long, so grab a drink.

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Speaking of alcohol, doctors are now saying that it's okay to booze it up if you've had Heart Bypass Surgery. Though it's still hard to justify the hookers and blow.

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Men fake orgasms, too. "Several men in the study reported faking an orgasm because they had no other way to end a sexual encounter without awkwardness," says the Fox News article. Wait. FOX NEWS IS REPORTING ABOUT SOMETHING BEING FAKE. OMG, U GUYS!!!!1

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Neanderthals had a naughty sex life. This isn't a medical study per se, but it does confirm our suspicion that damn, we used to be a bunch of sluts, ya'll.

Not every celebrity sex tape listed, was released to the public. For good reason, who wants to see John Edwards go at it?

I doubt George Lucas was thinking about sex, while making 'Star Wars.' But, after watching this video, it's hard to be sure.

Who cares that Larry King is getting a divorce or that he was banging his wife's sister. SOMEBODY ACTUALLY HAD SEX WITH THIS THING. THAT IS WHAT EVERYBODY SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW.

Well, he has no sponsors except for the BastardCard, which exists only in our dreams. Tiger is at the Masters this week trying to make people forgot that he boned about 240 porn stars, waitresses and all around normals with big boobs and a love for eccentric sex play. We wish him luck with that.

Five minutes ago we didn't understand the phenomenon that is Justin Beiber, but after seeing this picture we totally get it. Justin Beiber is transvestite with an obsession with his mom's makeup. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

(via Stand Up)

When we woke up this morning and heard that Tiger was addressing the universe, we really couldn't give a rat's ass. Until we saw him make out with his mother, NOW WE REALLY CARE. Somebody has to stop Tiger Woods. It's getting ridiculous. First he goes and bangs half the porn stars in California and now it appears that he's also banging his mom. THIS IS NUTZO. They say he's in sex rehab, but I just don't know. Does this looks like a dude who's in sex rehab? It looks like a dude who can't say no...to anyone female.

Oh, Tiger. What are we going to do with you? This is just getting awkward.

Hello. My name is David Portado and I'm in love with Snooki. I'm also one of the illustrators at LiquidGeneration. Excuse how illiterate I am.

Early on in The Jersey Shore, we found out that none of the Shore girls were shy, especially my favorite 4 foot 9 inches guidette Snooki, who tried to hook up with every guy on the show. Yesterday RadarOnline.com reported that there may be a Snooki Sex Tape or nude pictures on the loose. Thankfully!  However, Snooki took to Twitter to deny the pics and vid exist: "Like i said before about my supposed 'sex tape'...There are no nude pictures nor will there ever be. the tabloids just love snook gossip ;]"

MTV just gave the boobalicious cart-wheel-showing vagigi and the rest of the Jersey Shore crew members a new season, with 12 new episodes to shoot in the winter which will air sometime this summer. So get ready for more fist pumping, sex, and drunken bar fights! The whereabouts to where they're going to tape it is still unknown, but I'm sure it's going to be someplace warm like LA so I can molest Snooki.

The cast of Jersey shore is here in LA taping the Leno and Ellen show so we have set up a trap to capture her and tape her sucking her favorite thing, a big fat juicy pickle!

Now that's a snookuation!

Stay tune in case we end up capturing her. In the mean time, you can find out How Jersey Shore Are You? by taking the quiz.

Very rarely do I ever have any serious desire to meet celebrities. This is partly because, like I pointed out before, I am pretty out of touch with pop culture, and partly because I have met a bunch of celebrities. Most of the time, they are very disappointing - douches.

Sitting here in my coffice (coffee shop + office) next to the Gaming Club (they play board games here twice a week) I don't feel too Hollywood, though I guess I am... since I live in Hollywood. But, I didn't move out here because it was my dream to hang out with Paris Hilton or pal around with Wilmer "Yo Mama" Valderama. These Gaming Club guys can get a little rowdy, but I can tell you from experience, they are much less annoying to be in the same room with than the Valderama.

This said, I have to admit that every once in a while I hear enough about a famous person that I actually want to meet them, to see what they are really like.

I have been feeling this way about Lady Gaga for a while now for a couple of reasons. First, she kind of reminds me of my week long high school ex-girlfriend Larkin Grimm (a weirdo musician in her own right) and a couple of other girl friends (friends that are girls). This feeling of familiarity is all about her general craziness and desire to dress to impress or offend. Second, she kind of looks like my old boss Suzie from Liberty Curio, a junk shop that I worked at selling junk on Ebay and Craigslist.

Recently (30 minutes ago after I read her Wikipedia entry), I started to feel a desire to meet Ke$ha too. I don't know how much of her Wikipedia entry is true, but she had me at "breaking into Prince's house." Anyone crazy enough to enter Prince's domain uninvited... wow. Throwing up in Paris Hilton's closet is pretty cool too. Plus, she is hot, really hot, and like me and Lady Gaga, she likes to hang out in her undies.

I know I said I don't like blondes in my post about Chuckota (super celebrity couple Chuck McCarthy and Dakota Fanning), but I am pretty sure that neither Ke$ha nor Lady Gaga are real blondes. Moreover, I just want to meet them, get to know them. Dating is a long way down the road. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I might hate both of them in real life.

Anyway, I decided that I am going to try to meet and hang out with Lady Gaga and Ke$ha. This is where living in Hollywood comes in handy. I am fairly confident that I can track them down. Los Angeles is big, but not that big.

I already found both of their Myspace profiles, and friended them. I hope they accept. Lady Gaga was online when I sent her the request, so maybe she will get back to me soon!

Let me know if you have any advice... or if you are Ke$ha or Lady Gaga, let's hang.

Digging deeper and deeper into M Magazine, it didn't take me long to discover that I wasn't as out of touch as I had initially thought. On page 13, not only did I find out that Taylor and Taylor are both a little unsure about dating someone named Taylor, but I also found out that M Magazine readers are interested in being in the last Twilight movie, something I had blogged about 4-5 months ago.
M Magazine doesn't just pose the question though, they answer it.

"Can you be in the last Twilight movie?"

M Magazine's answer? "Yes."

I immediately started taking their advice. I went to ExploreTalent.com. Though there were no actual casting call listings for Twilight: Breaking Dawn, and it seems like a sight completely based on exploiting dreams to identify a certain marketing demographic, I signed up. I also started reading Breaking Dawn for the 9th time, as suggested, and I started really trying to be myself, as suggested.

One of their pieces of advice did seem to be a little bit of a no-brainer: "Try not to act super-duper bubbly or overly eager."

Duh! The only super-duper bubbly vampire in the Twilight series is Alice. Do I look like Alice?