Ok, so apparently that is a man, not a short gnome woman. Whatever the case, it’s a pretty sad day in hell when a short dyke looking guy is better looking than you are. Sucks to be Brooke.

Lego Hawking is not amused with this crap! If he could walk, he would… well screw it. He can’t, so you're fine.

Is it sad when an ad for condoms, depicting a sexual act, physically arouses you? Not that we have that problem...So what are you doing tonight? Please come back…

This week Philip Norris gives you a round-up of the latest news, including a sad story about Britney Spears, who sucks at being a mom.

Paris is getting hauled off *BACK* to Lynwood today! Are you ecstatic or sad?

Exclusive Video! David Hasselhoff's kid films him eating on the floor while warning him about not drinking any more booze that night, lest he lose his job. That's one sad dad.

Exclusive video footage, taken by Howard K. Stern, shows Anna Nicole is creepy clown make-up, and an even creepier sense of being out of her freakin' gourd.

The kid with the camera has bigger boobs than her. Sad or awkward?

Oh Andre, it's a sad, sad day when Dakota is dressed better than you.

Ronald McDonald gets arrested for molesting a Happy Meal. How sad.

Another case of white people trying to rap. Very sad.

This week Jessica and Nick call it quits, President Bush gives a hilarious speech and Vince Vaughn is a drunk!

We all know that Tara Reid has a drinking problem, but did you know she also has a hemorrhoid problem? It’s sad, but true. To help you mourn we created a game called Ass-Roids. It’s like Asteroids, but with hemorrhoids. Get it?