Can't quite get a handle on the tree.

Just wants to eat his apple.

One of the saddest things I've seen lately.

The road to professional sports is one of the most effective sociopath assembly lines in the world. Separated from their peers by talent as kids, pandered to as teenagers, and idolized as adults, today's college and professional athletes know that forgiveness is only one contrite press conference away. We keep track of their antisocial behavior and marvel at their sociopathleticism in the Sociopathlete Round-Up.

Sociopathlete: Sal Alosi, Strength and Conditioning Coach, New York Jets,
Former Linebacker, Hofstra
We learned today that Alosi has been suspended indefinitely (his suspension was previously scheduled to be up at the end of this season) when the Jets "found out" that he had ordered players to form a wall along the sidelines in order to impede Dolphins special teamer Nolan Carroll if he ventured out of bounds. Alosi stuck his leg out, tripped Carroll, and is now awaiting his sportsmanship award from Jets coach Rex Ryan. The other shoe may not have dropped in this case, since the notion of a strength coach taking it upon himself to order inactive players to interfere with punt coverage in an organized manner seems a bit far-fetched. If it came from above, or even from the top, this could place the entire Jets franchise in the pantheon of sociopathletics.

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Christmas. Yeah, we're going there. I never said this would be a smooth ride. Christmas is of course the celebration of the day Jesus was born and placed in a manger because there was "no room at the inn". Seriously?  Who was running this inn? Messianic prophecy or not, it's a couple who had a baby 5 minutes ago, you can't make some space? Hell wouldn't even pull that shit, and we're talking about a place that dedicates an entire high-rise to gleefully forcing glass shards under the eyelids of false witnesses.

Christmas is also the beginning of Christmastide, the so-called 12 days of Christmas, made famous in the song of the same name. Allow me to take a breath before going into this one. Let's think about this. The first 4 days, the singer's "true love" - and I put that in quotations because I'm not sure I buy that designation for reasons I'll explain - gives her (Yeah, her. I've lived so long I stopped counting my age when we went from Roman to Arabic numerals, and I can tell you this: chicks don't buy guys multiple swans. Sorry boys, ain't gonna happen.) a partridge (with tree), 2 turtle doves, 3 french hens, and 4 colly birds. The song seems to suggest that these things are stacked every day, so on the first day it's a partridge in a pear tree, and on the second day it's 2 turtle doves and a second partridge in a pear tree, and so on. I'm going to assume that's not the case, and that each subsequent mentioning of a gift is a reference to the original, and not a duplicate gift. If I'm wrong, then what I took to be merely absurd is actually whatever is above absurd. Preposterous?

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The objective of any social situation is to make everyone else feel dumb and always have the last word. Here are a few issues to discuss at tonight's dinner engagement, and a couple ways you can be a pompous, know-it-all prick when talking about them.

Talking Point: Obama's Asia trip was a disaster!
Anyone who brings this up is probably referring to Monday's Slate article written by Eliot Spitzer. But you don't have the schooling to discuss international politics! Divert attention from the real issue by taking a cheap shot at Spitzer for the prostitution scandal (which I'd estimate is still 2 years away from being stale) by doing something like pretending to confuse Spitzer with Charlie Sheen, then exclaiming "Oh sorry, I can't imagine how I mixed those two up!" to peals of laughter. Fair warning, though, in the wrong crowd this could lead to an earnest discussion of Two and a Half Men.

Talking point: Prince William is marrying a commoner!
Key know-it-all prick info: The notion that British royals are bound to marry other royals is actually false (note the use of the word "actually" here. "Actually" is a really good way to sound like a know-it-all prick). They've been marrying outside their own ranks for years. And thank god, because they were becoming known for their inbreeding. As for any issues the Queen has about the marriage, whip this one out: According to George Bernard Shaw in Pygmalion, "It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him"! Everyone is sure to laugh uproariously at this, and you'll be remembered for the most deftly applied Shaw quote of the season!

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It's a bizarre ad, but there's something really beautiful about it.

Sad sad girl.

Here's a dispatch from the Furry Movement. A portrait of a man or lady dressed as a dog...while holding their dog. What's scary about this isn't the fact that the Furry appears to be on crystal meth, what's scary is that somebody allowed this person into their studio to take this photograph. We believe in Limited Government, but when citizens are allowed to dress like freaking morons and these freaking morons are allowed to own dogs and these morons somehow find a way to use the internet and upload these photos, well, we just think there should be a special Waterboarding and Execution Division of the US Government that would punish people who do these sort of things. It's not adorable, dude.  It's just disturbing and sad and we're going to go to our room and cry now. 

You can see more of this disgustingness here.

Here's video of Lindsay Lohan's court appearance this morning. Say what you want about women in pantsuits, but Lindsay Lohan is no lesbian. Wait....

It's a sad day for MTV and the world. The Hills is being cancelled. But don't cry because there is still one more season left. Plus, you have all of The Hills parodies we've made over the years. Watch below if you want to piss your pants (yeah, we said it!).

Also, The Hills Go To Paris!

Look at this sad bastard. The economy is truly effecting EVERYBODY. Even in space and thousands of years into the feature YOU CANNOT RUN. I can't find out where you can send money to Darth Vader, but I'm sure there's a PayPal account setup somewhere in his name. If you find it, let us know in the comments.

What's the deal with weathermen? They are like the Ed Hardy of the nightly news world. Total d-bags. A quick search throught the LiquidGeneration archives show you that if you've failed at life you're most likely a weatherman for the 11 o'clock news. We imagine most weathermen (oh sorry, meteorologists!) are sad, alcoholic cocaine addicted wife beaters for some reason. We have nothing to back this up, it's just a feeling we have (intuition, bitches!).  Anyway, another weatherman was acting like a complete asshat recently and we thought you'd like to know about it. He talks about his pee pee.

This just in! After pressure from Liquid Generation readers, Taco Bell has updated their website with some sad sauce for Glen Bell.

We salute you LG readers.

Glen Bell, the founder of both Taco Bell and Wienerschnitzel, died on Saturday at the age of 86.

I know that this news has deeply effected several of my friends... one friend in particular... When my friends are sad, I get sad, so I am... sad.

I got sadder just now, when I went to the Taco Bell and Wienerschnitzel websites and discovered that neither had made any kind of move to honor or even acknowledge the passing of the man who gave them life, the man who gave their taste flavor combinations to the world.

So, I urge all of you to post these commemorative Glen Bell is dead, death logos on your own websites, blogs, and Friendster pages to honor his last... run for the boarder.

Here is a list of fun facts about Glen Bell that I put together, so you can share when people ask why they should care.

1. He FOUNDED Taco Bell. What else do you want?

2. He co-founded Wienerschnitzel. They have a new Coney Island Dog.

3. He divorced his first wife Dorothy because she didn't like Mexican food.

4. While in the marines he loved food so much that he was assigned to be a waiter.

5. A former employee of his at Taco Bell founded Del Taco. Yeah! This guy is directly responsible for Del Taco too!

6. He looked great in a sombrero.