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The road to professional sports is one of the most effective sociopath assembly lines in the world. Separated from their peers by talent as kids, pandered to as teenagers, and idolized as adults, today's college and professional athletes know that forgiveness is only one contrite press conference away. We keep track of their antisocial behavior and marvel at their sociopathleticism in the Sociopathlete Round-Up.
Sociopathlete: Sal Alosi, Strength and Conditioning Coach, New York Jets,
Former Linebacker, Hofstra
We learned today that Alosi has been suspended indefinitely (his suspension was previously scheduled to be up at the end of this season) when the Jets "found out" that he had ordered players to form a wall along the sidelines in order to impede Dolphins special teamer Nolan Carroll if he ventured out of bounds. Alosi stuck his leg out, tripped Carroll, and is now awaiting his sportsmanship award from Jets coach Rex Ryan. The other shoe may not have dropped in this case, since the notion of a strength coach taking it upon himself to order inactive players to interfere with punt coverage in an organized manner seems a bit far-fetched. If it came from above, or even from the top, this could place the entire Jets franchise in the pantheon of sociopathletics.
The road to professional sports is one of the most effective sociopath assembly lines in the world. Separated from their peers by talent as kids, pandered to as teenagers, and idolized as adults, today's college and professional athletes know that forgiveness is only one contrite press conference away. We keep track of their antisocial behavior and marvel at their sociopathleticism in the Sociopathlete Round-Up.
Sociopathlete: Lawrence Taylor, former Linebacker, New York Giants
The real LT appeared in court the other day to claim that police violated his rights when they entered a hotel room he was sleeping in to seize evidence that he had paid a sixteen-year-old runaway $300 for sex. Court papers in a related but separate case say he admitted to sex acts with the girl. What they don't say is that LT didn't even practice soliciting prostitutes during the week, he just showed up on soliciting-prostitutes-day and made it happen. But at least he's taking it seriously.
Sociopathlete: Albert Haynesworth, Defensive Lineman, Washington Redskins
Brett Favre made the list last time for doing his job. Haynesworth makes it for refusing to do his. Coach Mike Shanahan suspended him for the final four games of the season without pay. Haynesworth didn't want to play nose tackle in the team's 3-4 defense. But he also didn't want to find a new team and give up his 21 million dollar contract bonus. So he just stayed on, but also didn't do his job - the best of both worlds. He also needed 10 days to pass a conditioning test at the start of training camp, showing that you don't need athleticism to have sociopathleticism.
The road to professional sports is one of the most effective sociopath assembly lines in the world. Separated from their peers by talent as kids, pandered to as teenagers, and idolized as adults, today's college and professional athletes know that forgiveness is only one contrite press conference away. We keep track of their antisocial behavior and marvel at their sociopathleticism in the Sociopathlete Round-Up.
Sociopathlete: Brett Favre, Quarterback, Minnesota Vikings
Brett Favre has the distinction of making the sociopathlete round-up merely by playing his sport. His massive ego demands that he keep the spotlight on himself for as long as the media will indulge him. His head coach was just beheaded. His team is 3 and 7 after losing to division rival Green Bay by a score of 31 to 3. At home. He's owed a minimum of 17 million dollars for this effort. And in case you didn't hear, he texted a picture of his penis to a woman who isn't his wife. And it was flaccid.
Sociopathlete: Tony Parker, Guard, San Antonio Spurs
In the "shockingly sociopathletic" category, a Frenchman turned out to be a lecherous cad. Tony Parker didn't cheat on his wife with Erin Barry, wife of former teammate Brent Barry, according to Parker and his people. They were just sexting. Thanks, Tony. For a second we though you were a complete fucking asshole.
Before They Were Boobs Jobs 2
Rumor is that a few people in Hollywood have gotten boob jobs. Go figure. Well, here are the few we could round up.
Wimbledon Daily Hot: June 25th
Ashley Harkleroad was defeated in the first round 6-4, 6-3 by some French chick. Hairy armpits should never defeat Grade A American ass, this is will not be tolerated.
Mischa Barton Sideboob
Consider this "Round 11" of Whoose Sideboob?, although here you've got to guess why she's still famous.
Writers Strike?
Forget the writers strike! Team Britney is making rounds and reminding you, even fat people and unibrows have opinions.
Lettuce Help You
After the INS started rounding up illegal's, Taco Bell scrambled to replace the workers in its lucrative lettuce trade. The leaf must flow!
Pukin up The Sex
This guy is going to get so much ass tonight! Oh, he just threw up on himself? LIGHTNING ROUND!
A Closer Look at Ms. South Carolina
Maybe she wasn't entirely brain dead when she gave the answer heard 'round the net. Maybe she was just remembering how hot she looked in the bikini.
Britney Spears: Mother of the Year
This week Philip Norris gives you a round-up of the latest news, including a sad story about Britney Spears, who sucks at being a mom.
Motorcycle Merry-Go-Round
Somehow these girls agreed to sit on the merry-go-round while these guys spun it with a scooter. And no, it doesn't end pretty.
Guess The Celebrity Thong 2
Sisquo has pulled himself out of the gutter for another round LG’s Celebrity Thong Quiz. Try and guess who’s butt crack is rocking that thong!
Whoose Boobs: Robert Altman Boobs
Robert Altman strikes us as the kind of guy who would have liked Whoose Boobs. Let’s play a round in his honor.
Pict-O-Band 4: Music Puzzle Game
By now you should totally get what this game is about. Perhaps you should challenge your friends and show them yet another way you are superior to them. Let us know in the comments what you think of this round…it’s a tad tougher than usual.
Pict-O-Band 2: A Music Puzzle Game
Here it is, Round 2 of the bestest match pictures to make band names game on all of the Internets. Actually, it might be the only game of its kind anywhere in the history of the world! Yeah, we are that cool.
