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LG Staff Author Image

Why This Week Is Going To Be Awesome

By: LG Staff
December 14 2010, 4:54 PM



Yes it’s Tuesday, but that doesn’t mean the week is gone; we still have four more days to fail at everything we’ve set out to accomplish on Monday. Like telling you why this week is going to be awesome. Keep on reading, we have proof! 


1. There are 10 more days until Christmas. This means you have just enough time to shop for decent presents without everything being sold out (and don’t forget about free shipping). You still have time to make those cool photo books in iPhoto instead of buying another framed picture or those horrible electronic picture frames which never look good and never work. You have just enough time to send out Christmas cards and perhaps even hand write them instead of doing a Google search of “Fat Santa Sitting At The Computer” and sending it out to everybody like you’re Corky from Our House. There’s still time to break up with your girlfriend and not look like a dick (cut off date is, like, today tho). You can also take these 10 days to invite as many ladies over to your place as you can to watch Love Actually and try to get laid. Other Christmas movies might work, but this one is the best. And quickly, you have 10 days to eat, sleep, drink, smoke, gamble and commit just about any act of excess without it looking too bad. It’s Christmas after all.

2. Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are divorced. Now it’s in poor taste to celebrate any one's heartbreak, but please. This is not only a victory for the Free The World’s Boobs From Douche Movement, but victory for those us delusional enough to think they might someday have a chance with Scarlett.


3. THIS IS THE WEEK WE SOLVED AIDS - Kinda! An HIV-man who underwent stem-cell treatment transplant has been cured as a result of the procedure. This seems like good news for science and bad news for zombies because we’re gonna cure that ailment next! 


4. It’s this easy to rip off a casino these days. Remember in Oceans 11 when Brad Pitt had to hire a little Asian man and 10 other movie stars to break into a Casino and rob the crap out of it? Well it turns out that was all just a waste of fake, Hollywood money! All you need to do is walk into a casino with a motorcycle helmet on your head and in two minutes you’re a millionaire! 


5. You have 15 days to find or hire a date for New Years Eve. This is a long time to find a date, even for losers, which is why we mentioned you also hire a date because that is always more fun. 


Have a great rest of the week!

 

 
Chuck McCarthy Author Image

The Apple Tablet Will Probably Make Celebrities More Annoying

By: Chuck McCarthy
January 26 2010, 2:33 PM


I have heard so much about the new Mac Tablet that I almost want to get one myself... even though they supposedly don't exist, and if they do, no one has ever seen one, besides Willy Wonka... uhh, I mean Steve Jobs and his Oompa-Loompas.

So much speculation has gone into what these magical tablets are going to look like and what they are going to do, and yet no one has thought about how these new devices are going to affect the way we see celebrities.

Lucky for you guys, I know a thing or two about magic too, Photoshop magic. Using my Photoshop magic I was able to whip up some images of what we all have to look forward to from some of your favorite celebs once the Mac Tablet flies into Apple stores via the glass elevator.

Before the Mac Tablet, Victoria Beckham's son had to use his drawing pad to cover his mum's face from the paparazzi, but with the Mac Tablet, he won't have to worry about messing up his drawings.

Before the Mac Tablet, Lindsay Lohan's life was spiraling out of control, and she had to cover her face with tie-died clutch handbags, but the Mac Tablet is going to change all that. By the time the Mac Tablet hits stores, no one will even want to take pictures of her.

Before the Mac Tablet, Pete Wentz was kind of a playful d-bag. When the Mac Tablet comes out, Ashley Simpson still won't be able to sing, but he will be an even more playful d-bag, even more overly impressed by his own cleverness and long eyelashes.

P.S. - Expect someone like Rob Zombie or Robin Williams to show up on the VMA's dressed like Moses and carrying two Mac Tablets with the twelve commandments (possibly of rock and roll). Trust me. 

Sincerely,

Charles McCarthy
IdeasbyChuck.com

 

Ninja Robs on Crutches

Ninja Robs on Crutches

This ninja has committed so many robberies that he handicapped himself with a crutch to make it a challenge.

 

Trailer Park Boys Trailer

Trailer Park Boys Trailer

In theaters 1-18-08. Set in a separate storyline not related to the "Trailer Park Boys" Television show, but with the same lovable characters. The boys get arrested for robbing an ATM machine and spend 18 months in jail. When the get out, they decide to pull off "The Big Dirty" which is to steal a large amount of coins because they are untraceable and quit their life of crime forever.

 

ESPN Gets Chili Pepper'd

ESPN Gets Chili Pepper'd

Looking to "spice" up a boring New Mexico State football game, ESPN sent Rob Stone to try out the world's hottest chili pepper. It makes Rob cry.

 

Rent-a-Cop vs. Moron

Rent-a-Cop vs. Moron

Slowly and calmly, this moron tries to rob a bank in front of the bank's security guard. A slaphappy game of grab ass ensues.

 

Prince Albert: Naked Prince

Prince Albert: Naked Prince

Zsa Zsa late husband claims he was robbed and forced to undress by three woman, at gunpoint. Oddly enough they didn’t steal his car or his cell phone... Someone's pants are on fire.

 

Carmen Electra Leg Kicks

Carmen Electra Leg Kicks

Carmen was feeling frisky on the Tonight Show, and methinks she freaked out Rob Schneider with her one-woman show!