Jessica Simpson recently crossed the red carpet in Vegas, where she had to wear weighted shoes to prevent her boobs from lifting the rest of her to the ceiling.

More Carmen! More burlesque!

Calm down, dude. She just wanted an autographed copy of 'Oops! I Did It Again.'

It's true. Just wanted to say it.

When you need to air out your crotch, clean off the top of your Red Bull can.

Reese Witherspoon looks fabulous on the Oscars red carpet.

Who'd You Rather is ready to impress you with its award winning Idi Amin impersonation.

Brit-Brit was seen out partying again in New York, this time squeezing into a "sexy" red dress.

Jesse Jane was "Best Dressed" on the red carpet at the AVNs. If you think this isn't a big deal, you obviously haven't seen the way most porn stars dress!!

This is an infamous store in Maine. Their slogan is, "If we ain't got it, you don't need it." True dat.

Puff Daddy was seen checking out Jessica Biel's Golden Globes on the red carpet.

Still-skinny Mary-Kate Olsen looked stunning (as in, we're still stunned by this look) when she walked the red carpet wearing Kelly green, a dead raccoon, and a chestplate.

One man believes teachers need to be armed. Most well-brained citizens would disagree.

Fruity Pebbles -- the cereal that turns the milk BLOOD RED!

A fake gun + wussy armed guards = easiest bank robbery ever!

Without his gun, the hunter gets his ass kicked.

Whoose Boobs walks the red carpet with televisions finest.

These two were gunned down in a battle over Cool Ranch Doritos earlier this year.

Dick Cheney, Aerosmith, Gun-Loving Freaks. You gotta love America.

Looks like Quentin Tarantino was right. Top Gun is really about two gay fighter pilots.