Star Jones wallows in self pity, Wacko Jacko moves to Europe and Jessica isn’t good enough for Dallas.

Here’s the third installment of our hit game where you have to decide whether you’re looking at a porn star or pop star. It’s a really difficult game, but only because you can get really horny playing it.

The Japanese are great at so many useless, kooky, awesome things (including porn). But this is not really that cool.

The Japanese are great at so many useless, kooky, awesome things (including porn). But this is not really that cool.

Watch the uncensored version of Paris Hilton’s new music video Stars Are Blind. It’s sexier than her sex tape and it won’t get you in trouble if you watch it at work!

Watch this kitty get down with itself right before you're eyes! (Don't watch this if you're horny).

Star Jones almost died this week from getting a boob job. In this episode, Philip Norris ponders a world without this very fat lady who annoys the crap out of all of us.

World of Warcraft has produced more funnies this year than any other game around. Nerds are hilarious!

We always get Porn Stars and Pop Stars mixed up. Whores are tricky like that!

This year New Year’s Eve sucks, the donut man dies, New Orleans comes back to life, and your mom looks at porn.

The rock stars of the 1970s were awesome because they did lots of drugs and they never shaved their pubes.

This video proves that Star Wars is all about the gays.

Do you get Star Trek and Star Wars things confused? We do and we’re a bunch of nerds!

This week a Star Trek cast member comes out of the closet, Stallone wants to do another Rambo, and there might be another crazy Jackson on the loose.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

We show you a picture of a scantily clad woman and you have to tell us whether she's a pop star or porn star!

We show you a picture of a scantily clad woman and you have to tell us whether she's a pop star or porn star!

Here's a movie trailer for the Star Wars film that never made it, starring Sean Penn, Napoleon Dynamite and Bill Cosby.

We show you two celebs and you tell us who you'd rather…you know! Compare your results with the rest of our visitors to see how your tastes match up.

Go on a virtual tour of Hollywood using Google Maps!