And if you're nice she might even show you that she's wearing no panties.

Oh, little puppy! Aren't you glad you're not Paris Hilton's? Oh, yes you are! Oh yes you are!

Perez Hitlon got his ass beat by one of Will.i.Am's (ANNOYING NAME, DUDE!) people at the MuchMusic Awards this past weekend. Later The Mighty Gay One made a video about what happened, which is where this picture came from. It's fun to see this dude cry, right?

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

It's tiny, but it's there. And so is her crack. Crack is whack, but not on Paris.

This is the chief! Be on the look out for Paris Hilton and these other jail house vag-havers.

Celebrities lucky enough to be parodied on South Park (Kanye West, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears), are awesome...or idiots.

Paris Hilton, Amy Winehouse, Lindsay Lohan and the other celebrities stupid enough to be filmed taking drugs.

I guess if you're rich and famous you have lots of love to give.

Love or hate her, you all want to bang her.

Look very closely...Paris Hilton is retarded.

Somebody stick a pin in her boobs and watch her shoot to the moon.

Paris Hilton should be held at least partially responsible.

Like you, Philip Norris believes that Perez Hilton is an idiot.

She's totally egging Perez Hilton on with that face.

If you're keeping track at home, Paris Hilton was denied a ticket to the Oscars, Gary Busey was given free reign.

This week Philip Norris reports on Paris Hilton's brother, Gary Coleman and the writer's strike.

Hollywood’s favorite sluts have gotten themselves into a heap of trouble again! This time in a dance club! Also, see how Paris Hilton reacts when she tries to become a virgin! The drama!

This picture was made for Perez Hilton's automated draw splooge around the mouth machine.

Paris Hilton is modeling for Fila, their first major endorsement since Grant Hill in 1995. She looks as confused as us.