If you're keeping track at home, Paris Hilton was denied a ticket to the Oscars, Gary Busey was given free reign.

This week Philip Norris reports on Paris Hilton's brother, Gary Coleman and the writer's strike.

Hollywood’s favorite sluts have gotten themselves into a heap of trouble again! This time in a dance club! Also, see how Paris Hilton reacts when she tries to become a virgin! The drama!

This picture was made for Perez Hilton's automated draw splooge around the mouth machine.

Paris Hilton is modeling for Fila, their first major endorsement since Grant Hill in 1995. She looks as confused as us.

This week Britney Spears is knocked up, Tom Cruise is a Mommy, and Carson Daly is still a douche bag.

After months of China sending us all their ass backwards products, the US finally retaliated by sending over Paris Hilton, in a free container marked "Penis Enlargement Cream."

David Letterman sat down with Paris Hilton and asked her about the only thing he finds interesting in her career, jail time. The results are awkward and priceless.

This week Philip Norris lays the smack down on Paris, Pavarotti, and Jerry Lewis!

Paris Hilton was violated as a hungry photog tried to snap a picture of her "ladyness". The pap, is now blind.

Paris Hilton has begun her promised change for the better. Here she is holding a baby without dropping it or feeding it Frosted Cocaine Flakes.

Perez Hilton tried to trick the world into thinking Hayden Pe-something was caught by photographers with a vibrator. I suppose he assumed no one would check the internets. Loser.

...Just to use as a comparison to Perez's version, and to those Yogis. Gross"

Blogger Perez Hilton succeeded in making Britney Spears look sexy and fit by comparison when he paraded hit fat ass around in a pink wig, flip flops, and a Cheetos bag. He even out-crotched her.

It's no secret that Paris Hilton has extensions – in fact, she's got her own brand!

LG's got the first footage of the Larry King Live interview with Paris Hilton! Best part: she's naked!

The lies Paris Hilton told Larry King. From the Tonight Show.

Srsly, enuff is enuff.

Paris Hilton gets escorted from Lynwood Monday night – a free woman!

Perez has all the gossip and celebrity vagina photos you could desire! Watch his adventures!