Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

If you're wondering who Leighton Meester is, this is her. TMZ is reporting she has a sex tape that's being shopped around Hollywood. And it involves her feet. Sexy!

We’re gonna show you a picture and you have to guess whether it’s a sports face or sex face. Don’t let this get you too excited. Your mom is in the other room.

Turn the lights off, pour yourself a glass of blood, and see if these photos are from a sex or murder scene.

On Mother's Day watch some of the worst celebrity parents ever caught on tape. You'll be grateful yours aren't famous.

It's tiny, but it's there. And so is her crack. Crack is whack, but not on Paris.

This is the chief! Be on the look out for Paris Hilton and these other jail house vag-havers.

Celebrities lucky enough to be parodied on South Park (Kanye West, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears), are awesome...or idiots.

Paris Hilton, Amy Winehouse, Lindsay Lohan and the other celebrities stupid enough to be filmed taking drugs.

We show you a picture of our sexy model Amber in a pose and you have to guess if it's a yoga position or a position from the Kama Sutra!

I guess if you're rich and famous you have lots of love to give.

Love or hate her, you all want to bang her.

The editor of this newspaper has obviously never delivered a pizza to a 40-year-old woman's door and then proceeded to have sex with her.

Look very closely...Paris Hilton is retarded.

We'll gladly promote the douchecicles at PETA if they continue to show hot women making sex with vegetables.

Paris kept her promises and immediately opened a shelter for women when she was released from jail. Here you can see her passing out soup to the needy. What a heart of gold!

How do you know if you're really, truly in love? You listen to our resident sex expert, The Spanish Fly!

Some celebrities will do anything to get in the spotlight, including Shrek. Yes, it’s the sex tape you’ve all been waiting for – The Shrek Sex Tape.

This week your favorite celebrity sluticles of The Hills travel to Paris because they're idiots.

It’s the video you’ve all been waiting for: The Britney Spears Sex Tape. Liquid Generation’s got the exclusive footage that nobody else has. Don’t you feel lucky? It’s sexy time!