And if you're nice she might even show you that she's wearing no panties.

Oh, little puppy! Aren't you glad you're not Paris Hilton's? Oh, yes you are! Oh yes you are!

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

It's tiny, but it's there. And so is her crack. Crack is whack, but not on Paris.

This is the chief! Be on the look out for Paris Hilton and these other jail house vag-havers.

Celebrities lucky enough to be parodied on South Park (Kanye West, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears), are awesome...or idiots.

Paris Hilton, Amy Winehouse, Lindsay Lohan and the other celebrities stupid enough to be filmed taking drugs.

I guess if you're rich and famous you have lots of love to give.

Love or hate her, you all want to bang her.

Look very closely...Paris Hilton is retarded.

Paris kept her promises and immediately opened a shelter for women when she was released from jail. Here you can see her passing out soup to the needy. What a heart of gold!

This week your favorite celebrity sluticles of The Hills travel to Paris because they're idiots.

Somebody stick a pin in her boobs and watch her shoot to the moon.

Of course she loves the cereal that is "fun to munch because it keeps its crunch".

If she thinks getting off The Pill and getting into baby-making position with a dude from Good Charlotte shows her new found maturity she's got another thing coming (a dumb baby).

Paris Hilton should be held at least partially responsible.

Proposal, you know how England shipped all its convicts to Australia? Maybe we can ship all our useless celebs to Turkey.

If you're keeping track at home, Paris Hilton was denied a ticket to the Oscars, Gary Busey was given free reign.

This week Philip Norris reports on Paris Hilton's brother, Gary Coleman and the writer's strike.

An average of 11 people per theater when to see Paris' new movie this weekend. Those people were tricked by her Oompa Loompa PR man.