Seriously, we get it, you've got some amazing new bra that you're trying to create a buzz around. Super. Now make yourself useful and become Volvo airbags.

Not the first time, probably not the last.

Oh, please, like you haven't seen these a thousand times before!

Paris has huge boobs now! When exactly did this happen? How does she pull this off? Why can't I stop looking at them??

The jury is out for some, but for those of us who've been following the recent growth of the celebutard's lady-pillows, I think she's gotten something done.

Ever-freaky Courtney Love looks like a bloated, exploding French maid. Even Paris looks normal next to her.

Paris was pulled over on Sunset Blvd Tuesday evening for driving without her headlights. She was also driving on a suspended license – and her car got impounded!

Paris was pulled over on Sunset Blvd Tuesday evening for driving without her headlights. She was also driving on a suspended license – and her car got impounded!

Paris was pulled over on Sunset Blvd Tuesday evening for driving without her headlights. She was also driving on a suspended license – and her car got impounded! Anyone think she looks like an old hag??

Paris was pulled over on Sunset Blvd Tuesday evening for driving without her headlights. She was also driving on a suspended license – and her car got impounded!

Paris partied in Vegas this weekend for her birthday on the 17th. Here's some exclusive footage!

Seriously, you know you're awesome when you're partying with midgets. My friends had better take note: I want midgets at my birthday party!

Jason "Gummi Bear" Davis, larger brother of Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis, attended Paris Hilton's recent birthday bash in Vegas. It appears as though he pissed himself, as well!

Paris Hilton showed up at her own birthday party with what looked like foundation clumsily smeared on her face, and sparkle lotion glooped on her chest. Doing your make-up in the limo, Paris?

Her melons are looking meatier… did she get 'em done, or is that just a really good bra?

The "Parass Hilton" buttplug is a must-have for any celeb-obsessed loved one this season!

From "Paris Exposed" – her old boyfriend exposed her ass!

Here's Paris and Nicole, BFFs since they were wee ones. See, Nicole really IS black!

Paris' fake California ID. Crappy, crappy indeed. Yet better than the Ohio one.

Paris & Nikki Hilton and Nicole Richie are seen here posing with Michael Jackson. Weirder still is the old man next to them with the oxygen machine.