If you're keeping track at home, Paris Hilton was denied a ticket to the Oscars, Gary Busey was given free reign.

This commercial for Marlboro and the NFL provides a valuable history lesson; it wasn't always Chunky Soup and smiles, it used to be racism, butts, and cartoons. Ah the good ole days.

This week Philip Norris reports on Paris Hilton's brother, Gary Coleman and the writer's strike.

An average of 11 people per theater when to see Paris' new movie this weekend. Those people were tricked by her Oompa Loompa PR man.

Reports of Paris being a lesbian are false, she's only into her own lady bits.

Tommy Lee Jones can't turn down a paid vacation, no matter how weird the Japanese commercial.

Hollywood’s favorite sluts have gotten themselves into a heap of trouble again! This time in a dance club! Also, see how Paris Hilton reacts when she tries to become a virgin! The drama!

Why would Pepsi hire JT, Andy Samberg, and Tony Romo for a commercial? Because they know Coke is better, that's why.

This picture was made for Perez Hilton's automated draw splooge around the mouth machine.

Evangeline Lily used to do commercials for a phone-date hotline. It makes unemployed insomniac TV-addicts seem less... desperate. No, not really.

Paris Hilton is modeling for Fila, their first major endorsement since Grant Hill in 1995. She looks as confused as us.

Pretty sure the announcer says "Peanuts" at the end but after all that your "blank" is in my "blank" talk its hard to tell.

This week Britney, Paris and Jodie Foster get gay together, Scrooge McDuck is mistaken for Donald Trump and David Blaine is on drugs.

This week Britney Spears is knocked up, Tom Cruise is a Mommy, and Carson Daly is still a douche bag.

This commercial is a promise that Chuck Norris will be Mike Huckabee's running mate right?

Oh Paris, that stunning shade of "Recently gave a blow job" red really accents your smile… and the fact that you're an idiot.

After months of China sending us all their ass backwards products, the US finally retaliated by sending over Paris Hilton, in a free container marked "Penis Enlargement Cream."

We are not quite sure what this is, but its somewhat cute and incapable of running away. The excellent pet for your favorite Socialite.

This is either from an Indian (dots, not feathers) SNL or it really is a commercial and India is far more advanced than other cultures.

We beer sex pizza mile high nachos this commercial very much.