Yeah, we'd definitely think about asking for her hand in marriage or just have sex with her. Whatevs.

Did she score or did she get gored? Check out pictures from movies and try to guess whether the girls are getting it on or getting murdered.

Here’s a game that not just any movie buff can play. This game requires serial killer instincts!

Yes, you can just call this rape if you want to.

And if you're nice she might even show you that she's wearing no panties.

Here's an alleged screen shot of the Jimmy Kimmel sex tape. It's okay if you don't believe it exists, because it probably doesn't. We hope it doesn't.

Here is definitive proof that the Meg White Sex Tape is real. To all you doubters out there -- you're wrong.

In this game your job is to navigate through CrunkTown and deliver your demo tape to a D.J. You make the moves, and risk being caught by the fuzz.

Come one, come all, to the bedroom big top! Your sex life can seem like a circus sideshow sometimes. The question is: Are you a center-ring attraction beneath the sheet or are you the kind of freak that gets stuck outside the tent and pelted with tomatoes?

A moment of silence, please, as we honor Pam Anderson and the celebrities who followed in her (stretched out) footsteps with this tribute to celebrity sex tapes.

Come get'em, ladies. They and their mustaches are waiting for you!

Make your friends believe that somebody they know is a sex pervert by sending them one of our News Pranks. Perfect for gullible moms.

Just put a meat bone in her hand and Sarah Jessica Parker looks just as sexy as Dee Snider in Twisted Sister. Here she is on the set of the new Sex & The City 2, during a flashback of sorts to the 80s, when she was uglier.

In addition to saying no to smoking, drugs, alcohol and sex, you should say no to After School Specials.

Oh, little puppy! Aren't you glad you're not Paris Hilton's? Oh, yes you are! Oh yes you are!

We show you a picture from a famous movie and you have to tell us whether it’s from a sex scene or murder scene. This is for movie nerds and perverts only.

The following phone conversation was secretly recording between Michael Jackson and his young accuser.

Perez Hitlon got his ass beat by one of Will.i.Am's (ANNOYING NAME, DUDE!) people at the MuchMusic Awards this past weekend. Later The Mighty Gay One made a video about what happened, which is where this picture came from. It's fun to see this dude cry, right?

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.