Seriously, they have everthing in Japan. Tell me, what can't you but in a vending machine?

Paris, Lindsay and Britney are the "Three Disgraces" - like Greek mythology for the celebutard set.

Weirdly enough, later this night Lindsay went out clubbing with Paris! (Seriously.)

"Here, honeyyyyyy, you nip's slipping out a littlllllle. Lemme just cover it ith my haaaaaand. We're hot even when we're waaasteeed."

Friends poop alike.

"I'm Paris Hilton and I can do whatever I want… including walking my wasted friend out of my house at 6am in clothes I lent her so she didn't have to do the Walk of Shame in front of all these papparazzi."

Paris attended the Jay-Z convertin Vegas this weekend, spending most of her time with her BACK to the stage! After his performance, the perpetually self-absorbed heiress jumped on stage and had the DJ play a couple of her songs so she could lip-sync along -- but she puked instead!

It's like Brokeback Mountain, but with cats. Oh, and no gay sex.

The Japanese are truly the greatest people on Earth!

LG has scored an exclusive interview with Paris Hilton. In the video she interviews none other than – PARIS HILTON! She’d make Barbara Walters proud.

"The Art of War"? This is totally a fake photo!

Even in Japan, it's cool to practice safe sex, kids!!

Later this night, Paris Hilton arrested herself for drunk driving.

This guy thought he could be in Full Metal Jacket. Now he just stars on the internets!!!

It’s the witching hour! As in “witch of these people would you rather have sex with?”

If every 12-year-old's fantasy came true like this, we'd have to re-write the pedophilia laws.

Short textParis really knows how to dance -- and act like a drunk, pantsless whore!

This week we have Screech sex, terror torture, and Anna’s father fiasco. Philip Norris has the stories, and a 15 billion dollar MySpace profile.

The video you’ve been searching for all over the internet is finally here! See Dustin “Screech” Diamond do the “dirty sanchez” with a very, very sexy lady! This is the celebrity sex tape you don’t want to miss! Uncut. Uncensored. Unreal.

The Hunter’s no more, Suri is adored, and Paris is a drunken whore. Philip Norris delivers the stories, but not via a C-Section.