After months of China sending us all their ass backwards products, the US finally retaliated by sending over Paris Hilton, in a free container marked "Penis Enlargement Cream."

We are not quite sure what this is, but its somewhat cute and incapable of running away. The excellent pet for your favorite Socialite.

Put on your pastels and grab your guns, Miami Vice is the theme of the internet’s best pop culture quiz!

David Letterman sat down with Paris Hilton and asked her about the only thing he finds interesting in her career, jail time. The results are awkward and priceless.

Don't be too quick to assume the Juice has a friend in the nutjob at his lawyer's press conference yesterday. Jimmy Kimmel shows that he loves Paris and MJ too.

Test you Pop-Culture knowledge on this super duper Gangsta Edition of the Ultimate Pop-Culture Quiz!

This week Philip Norris lays the smack down on Paris, Pavarotti, and Jerry Lewis!

Whud’ya know about drunks? Hopefully a lot or else you’ll suck at this quiz.

Paris desperately holds tight to her last bit of dignity as she clutches a teddy bear and slips some nip.

Take this quiz and when the dragon apocalypse comes you’ll know whether you’re going to be a Dragon Slayer or a Dragon’s Lunch.

Paris Hilton was violated as a hungry photog tried to snap a picture of her "ladyness". The pap, is now blind.

Paris Hilton has begun her promised change for the better. Here she is holding a baby without dropping it or feeding it Frosted Cocaine Flakes.

Paris went to a Playboy party last night dressed like Paris. Jail time can't keep a good slut down.

Perez Hilton tried to trick the world into thinking Hayden Pe-something was caught by photographers with a vibrator. I suppose he assumed no one would check the internets. Loser.

Are you adventurous or do you hide under your bed for most of the day? Take this quiz to find out!

Blogger Perez Hilton succeeded in making Britney Spears look sexy and fit by comparison when he paraded hit fat ass around in a pink wig, flip flops, and a Cheetos bag. He even out-crotched her.

It's no secret that Paris Hilton has extensions – in fact, she's got her own brand!

Paris wanted a very *full*-coverage tan in Hawaii, and didn't care who saw!

Paris wore a diaper over her prison pancake butt in Hawaii. Gross!!

LG's got the first footage of the Larry King Live interview with Paris Hilton! Best part: she's naked!