Rihanna needs to spend less time under her umbrella and more time at the Dermatologist. You are rich, you have no excuses!

Fergie is now selling handbags that are apparently are made out of Kilts… and is that piss on her pants… again!? Oh no.. It's just sweat.

Heidi Montag took the form of a great white shark and nearly swallowed her Hills arch enemy LC. Unfortunately, neither was injured.

Hilary Swank has no body fat whatsoever. Her stomach is so hard, entire villages can wash their laundry upon her rippling abs.

In this commercial for hair gel in Japan, Orlando solves an amazing number of problems with just his hair. Unfortunately there is no way to reclaim dignity...

These new shoes have GPS tracking systems and are able to call a pimp or a sex worker advocates group, in the event of an emergency… seriously… no joke.

Ted Nugent's three favorite things in no particular order are guns, music and ignorance. Music never came into the picture except for "Cat Scratch Fever".

The giant sleeping head.

A world-renowned gay bar caught fire this week. In typical fashion, the gays used it as en excuse to party and freak out the squares. Tom Cruise had no comment.

This commercial has the catchiest song, written in Oklahoma, about BBQ, ever. Making "it falls off the bone" sound sexy is no small task.

Jenna Jameson no longer creates boners, she is however very boney. She looks like a friggin zombie, so not hot.

Britney Spears proves that she can leave the house without looking like a Hurricane Katrina victim.

"OK so get this officer, I was chasing a burglar out of my house, right? Then my pants just shot off into the street and he pulled out a gun, I got scared and I..."

Anna Ferris wrangled up enough free time on the set of her new movie, to pee on Rumer Willis. In all honesty, we have NO IDEA what is going on here.

Your car breaks down. Do you push it to the side? Do you have sex on the hood? This sign offers no help.

Barry Bonds passed Hank Aaron last night. There is still no evidence that this should raise suspicion.

Four girls posed for a hot MySpace booty shot. Look closely and you'll see the girl who will shoot them tomorrow after study hall.

Perez Hilton tried to trick the world into thinking Hayden Pe-something was caught by photographers with a vibrator. I suppose he assumed no one would check the internets. Loser.

These used car guys are such cheap bastards, they have no problem swearing at you.

White water rafting with a cat can be dangerous. And not just because of the claws!