"I hate our house kids, lets move out of this run down shat shack. No just leave it, go go go!"

Diana Ross thought that no one would recognize her without makeup. Unfortunately an old woman died of a heart attack when she mistook Mrs. Ross for Death.

Thank god! Finally a place we can take our families without having to deal with all those damned homos! We will never again have to worry about gay men breaking into our houses and having anal sex in front of our children or us.

Prison is a lot like school; you hang with your buddies, have recess, and eat crappy food. The upside is the food is better; the downside is the corndogs have no sticks.

Seriously, if you are rich then you have no excuse looking ugly. You need to be perfect, that means having ALL of your teeth. We are looking at you Winehouse!

In theaters 11-21-07. Directed by the Coen Brothers and based on the acclaimed novel by Cormac McCarthy. Violence and mayhem ensue after a hunter stumbles upon some dead bodies, a stash of heroin and more than $2 million in cash near the Rio Grande.

She's a one-eyed, one-horned, really fat celebrity who might eat you. There comes a time when you should no longer be in love with your body. That time is now, Beth.

In an alternate universe there is no world hunger and Lohan and Tyra Banks did not become cracked out whores. Enjoy this clip from when the dream was still alive.

That little Zac Efron chick was caught taking nude pictures of herself. No wait, this is the other female lead. Ah who cares, free boobs!

Rihanna needs to spend less time under her umbrella and more time at the Dermatologist. You are rich, you have no excuses!

Fergie is now selling handbags that are apparently are made out of Kilts… and is that piss on her pants… again!? Oh no.. It's just sweat.

Hilary Swank has no body fat whatsoever. Her stomach is so hard, entire villages can wash their laundry upon her rippling abs.

In this commercial for hair gel in Japan, Orlando solves an amazing number of problems with just his hair. Unfortunately there is no way to reclaim dignity...

These new shoes have GPS tracking systems and are able to call a pimp or a sex worker advocates group, in the event of an emergency… seriously… no joke.

Ted Nugent's three favorite things in no particular order are guns, music and ignorance. Music never came into the picture except for "Cat Scratch Fever".

A world-renowned gay bar caught fire this week. In typical fashion, the gays used it as en excuse to party and freak out the squares. Tom Cruise had no comment.

This commercial has the catchiest song, written in Oklahoma, about BBQ, ever. Making "it falls off the bone" sound sexy is no small task.

Jenna Jameson no longer creates boners, she is however very boney. She looks like a friggin zombie, so not hot.

Britney Spears proves that she can leave the house without looking like a Hurricane Katrina victim.

Anna Ferris wrangled up enough free time on the set of her new movie, to pee on Rumer Willis. In all honesty, we have NO IDEA what is going on here.