We watched a game of soccer last night and this happened.

This weekend Steve Jobs and Gawker blogger Ryan Tate got into a little email fight where one basically accused the other of being an ass and the other responded by basically calling the other guy an ass, all because of nerd reasons that we won't get into right now. The only good little nugget from this email exchange is that Steve Jobs - the guy who makes the machine that you use to wank off on internet porn every night while pretending to watch Jimmy Fallon - is trying to protect your freedoms. Specifically, Freedom from Porn.

(image via topherchris)

We've spent a lot of nights consoling friends who were having relationship problems, but most of them were old enough to count to five. This girl -- who goes by the internet name of Heartbreak Girl - is but a mere child with a physically small heart, YET her small heart has SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE, so much that it might explode due to heartbreak. And if it does ever explode, the little girl will die and she'll be buried in a small coffin and then you won't think this video is funny anymore. These are just the facts!

We saw the tribute to director John Hughes last night and felt kind of, well, underwhelmed. The appearance of Molly Ringwald, Macaulay Culkin and Creepy Jud Nelson was nice and all, and the tribute video was pretty sweet, but it doesn't compare to this Animated Gif from Weird Science. Nothing compares to this Animated Gif from Weird Science. This Animated Gif from Weird Science is the ultimate tribute to John Hughes.

(via Ned Hepburn)

Even though she's 99% hair, we find ourselves suddenly turned on by Kate Gosselin. Like freakishly so. She appeared on the Jimmy Kimmel Show last night, and damn if we didn't have to drop the remote and run to the bathroom for some "me time, and I don't mean pee time" right there. For serious!

And look at those cans. Does she have breast implants? Sorry if we sound overly excited here, friends. When 20 babies fall out of a women's vagina, we tend to never think about her again. But Kate, you've redeemed yourself. MILF Status 3000.

Mad Men's Christina Hendricks is probably the most important women in showbiz. Her national treasures (BOOBS, FYI) should be protected by the government forever. Also, her husband should be killed so we could marry her. It would be nice, just sayin'. Wouldn't you agree?

(via The Superficial)

The briliant, hipster-y (and annoying!) people at American Apparel are holding one of the greatest contests ever in the history of contests. They are searching for the Best Bottom In The World. You submit a picture of your ass and people vote on it. There's a gallery, a gallery that you can spend the whole night browsing. Really. We got no work done today because all we could do is just flip, flip, flip and fap, fap, fap through the pages of the contest. No, we're not losers. We just appreciate the good things in life. Like BUTTS. Check it out.

Let me paint a picture of a man-boy, a legend in the making. This man-boy lives in the woods of the great northwest - Jack London territory - Twilight territory - Kurt Cobain land... you know, like around Seattle.

He lives like a James Bond-Goldilocks, sneaking into people's houses, stealing planes (he learned to fly from video games), stealing speedboats, using night vision goggles to hunt and live off the land, and supplementing his diet with pizza that he has delivered to the woods. Not too hot -not too cold - extra cheese and just right.

The painting of this legend gets bolder, more intricate with every detail, with every stroke of the brush, and I'm not done stroking.

Like Yogi Bear he doesn't wear shoes while snagging "pic-a-nic" baskets, but he isn't stopping at sandwiches, and Park Ranger Smith isn't the only one he is outsmarting. The police and FBI are hot on his trail for over 50 alleged burglaries. Did I mention that he likes to take "cheeky" pictures of himself with victims' digital cameras (in my book this means pictures of his penis wearing sunglasses)?

Who is this man-boy, this 18yr old legend in the making?

Have you heard of Colton Harris-Moore?  You just did. Oh, and Jason Bourne... GFY!

Watch the video below, and read these articles to find out more.

Now that you are on Team CHM (Facebook Fanpage alert!) and love him more than Jacob Black, would you pre-order a copy of his video game?

What would you call his video game?

What would you call his movie?

Do you think that Mercedes should be paying him for his endorsement?

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration the next couple weeks!

Ah, look at those gams. It is winter after all.

I have no idea what Michael Jordan's been doing since he retired from basketball, but apparently he's been sucking at Twitter. Badly. Almost everyday. This peak inside his brain makes us believe that he might be the most boring super talented person in the world. He's defintely no Shaq, whose tweets routinely make us go lolwhut (lolwhu!?!). Here's a sample of the basketball legend's greatest non-hits:

Clearly, Michael Jordan is your 55-year-old mom with a huge crush on somebody.

This is the only he can say about the New Years? You ate too many shrimp. You're a legend and this is your only comment about NYE. Fantastic. At least we know we had a better NYE than somebody.

TWO HANDS TOGETHER, PEOPLE. LET'S CLAP IT UP. MICHAEL JORDAN DOES WHAT I DO EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT AFTER DRINKING A 24 PACK OF PABST.

Clearly, Gizmodo should hire this guy.

Ok, we have to hand it to MJ. This is a question worth asking. If you're 4-years-old. Or high. He was probably high.

If you'd like periodic updates from LG, you can follow us on Twitter @liquidgen. We promise to be just as boring as MJ and not spam you.