Where's OJ Simpson?

To help promote her blah blah blah and whatever whatever whatever Jessica Simpson wore no makeup and NO BRA on the May cover of Marie Claire, which is a magazine for boring chicks. We kind of really, really, reallly like this.

I have heard so much about the new Mac Tablet that I almost want to get one myself... even though they supposedly don't exist, and if they do, no one has ever seen one, besides Willy Wonka... uhh, I mean Steve Jobs and his Oompa-Loompas.

So much speculation has gone into what these magical tablets are going to look like and what they are going to do, and yet no one has thought about how these new devices are going to affect the way we see celebrities.

Lucky for you guys, I know a thing or two about magic too, Photoshop magic. Using my Photoshop magic I was able to whip up some images of what we all have to look forward to from some of your favorite celebs once the Mac Tablet flies into Apple stores via the glass elevator.

Before the Mac Tablet, Pete Wentz was kind of a playful d-bag. When the Mac Tablet comes out, Ashley Simpson still won't be able to sing, but he will be an even more playful d-bag, even more overly impressed by his own cleverness and long eyelashes.

P.S. - Expect someone like Rob Zombie or Robin Williams to show up on the VMA's dressed like Moses and carrying two Mac Tablets with the twelve commandments (possibly of rock and roll). Trust me. 

Sincerely,

Charles McCarthy
IdeasbyChuck.com

In what can only be described as pure Bonage Day at LiquidGeneration, we just received these photos of Heidi Montag. THEY ARE NOT EXCLUSVIE BUT THEY ARE PRETTY DARN SEXY, DEFINTELY SEXIER THAN JESSICA SIMPSON. WHO CARES ABOUT HER ANYWAY.

How much plastic surgery has she gotten? Supposedly over 10 surgeries in one sitting. But who cares about the details because the details are in her boobs. and everything else about her. We don't care that Spencer has turned her lower love-making extremities into a disaster area either. Sorry we sound like 12-year-olds right now, but really, just look at her.

And while we have your attention, Haiti needs your help. Do it for Heidi.

BREAKING. Jessica Simpson's breasts were seen walking down the street! THIS IS A DEVELOPING STORY. REFRESH LIQUIDGENERATION FOR FURTHER UPDATES ON THIS IMPORTANT MATTER.

In other news, WTF?

(via The Superficial)

Since it's premiere, MTV's "Jersey Shore" has received a staggering amount of criticism from the New Jersey Italian American Legislative Council. Caucus Chairman Joseph "Joey Ravioli" Vitale said the "wildly offensive" show promotes derogatory ethnic stereotypes. And in a letter to Viacom, MTV's parent company, Joey Ravioli demanded that the show be cancelled, and in exchange, he would "send you's some meatballs and Grigio."

Perhaps he should have sent an oaky Chard, because "Jersey Shore" remains on the air. And personally, I think MTV has some freshly waxed balls for keeping Mike's freshly waxed situation around. But more importantly, in the hysteria surrounding the casts' love of offensively smearing ricotta on each other's wife beaters and then licking it off (rather, it should be licked off and then spit into an al dente shell), the media hasn't even bothered to report on the most positive aspect of the show:

The young women of the cast. 

For far too long, MTV reality series have focused on drunk, slutty women with perfectly-proportioned, unattainable body types, so it's nice to finally see MTV choosing drunk, slutty women with far sloppier body types easily attained by the second semester of freshmen year. The big-boned women, Angelina, Jenni "J-Woww", Nicole "Snooki", and Sammi "Sweetheart" clearly have healthy appetites and spend most of their time consuming New Jersey's four basic food groups: Everclear, cranberry juice, ice, and calzones.

And instead of obsessively exercising on the treadmill for hours at a time, these all-natural ladies are showing girls everywhere that there are far safer more interactive ways to burn those unwanted ice calories off. Like spending time in the Jacuzzi, for instance. Simultaneously chugging vodka, removing your bra, and manually stimulating a situation, all while sitting in oppressive heat, offer a superb cardio session. And though not scientifically proven, it may also help you take a punch.

So step off, detractors, and give this show the friggin' respect it deserves, and don't trim the fat.

(Note: While Prongs has never actually watched "Jersey Shore", she did grow up in New Jersey, so any assumptions made above are not assumptions, but actual fact. Peace & Meatballs, Audi 5000.)

Well, maybe they didn't do it. But according to this 2012 London Olympics logo, Lisa Simpson did do something nasty to Bart that may or may not be illegal is most of the universe. The British, man. Whether it's driving on the wrong side of the road or their teeth, they always have to be different. And perverted.

We totally approve of this union if only because TODAY IS THE DAY WE SEE PIGS FLY. TODAY ALIENS EXIST. THE WORLD IS FLAT. MAGIC IS REAL. GOD IS DEAD, BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE SANTA IS REAL AND SO IS THE TOOTH FAIRY. EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE NOW.  AHHHHHHHHHHH.