Slippy Jenkins Author Image

Reason Not To Have Kids #267

By: Slippy Jenkins
November 10 2009, 9:24 AM

Seriously, if your kid is just going to narc you out to their teacher, what good are they anyway? Kids are for tying your shoe laces, grabbing you a beer and that's about it. You shouldn't have to worry about them telling everyone they know that you earn money making it rain for perverts. LiquidGeneration's been making games and animations about boobs and Britney Spears' drunk butt for years, and our nephews still think we sell insurance. Seriously! Every time I come home for Christmas they never ask me how work's going because they feel sorry for me. Anyway, there's just some things your child shouldn't know and your stripper job is one of them. Also: never bring your work home with you.

(via Don Chavez)

 

Sesame Street Explains The Madoff Scandal

Sesame Street Explains The Madoff Scandal

Show this to your kids so they don't invest all their Piggy Bank money with a psychopath like Bernie Madoff!

 

Magic 8-Ball: Economic Meltdown

Magic 8-Ball: Economic Meltdown

Ask the Magic 8-ball whether or not you're going to lose all your money in this crappy economy.

 

Nnnnnoooooo! My Imaginary Money!

Nnnnnoooooo! My Imaginary Money!

If you're going to lose money in the stock market, it helps to make your hands look as deadly as possible.

 

Ashlee Dupree Will Let You Touch Her Tattoos For Money

Ashlee Dupree Will Let You Touch Her Tattoos For Money

She's passed Angelina Jolie and that Transformers chick as our obvious tattooed love interest.

 

Batman Is Rich!

Batman Is Rich!

You think Batman was rich before, wait until he rakes in all of this box office money!

 

Stealing From Girl Scouts

Stealing From Girl Scouts

Recession? Who said anything about a recession, there's money just lying around all over the place, just gotta take it!

 

Rich people need more money

Rich people need more money

If you haven’t noticed the HUGE difference between the rich and the poor, maybe this will help remind you.

 

Bio Dome

Bio Dome

Pauly Shore has gotten fat! This girl must either be blind, dumb or under the assumption Pauly has money… wait.. Does he?

 

$14,000 worth of virginity

$14,000 worth of virginity

Some random guy is selling his entire lifetime of video game systems and cartridges for a whopping $14,000. Maybe with all that money he can finally see what a vagina looks like.

 

Mad Money Trailer

Mad Money Trailer

In theaters 1-18-08. Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes star as three female employees of the Federal Reserve who plot to steal money that is about to be destroyed.

 

Shopping Keeps us Safe

Shopping Keeps us Safe

"Yeah, I could be sending this money to the troops for body armor, but I REALLY need this iPhone."

 

Easy Money

Easy Money

That knife looks mighty peculiar when you hold it like that.

 

Britney Gets Her Drivers License

Britney Gets Her Drivers License

Britney Spears finally got her Drivers License. Ever the money hungry entrepreneur, she had Cheetos sponsor her "fun run" through the driving test. As seen on http://prettyontheoutside.com

 

JLo is Better Than You

JLo is Better Than You

Jennifer Lopez is so money, that she doesn’t even use regular sunglasses. They serve only one purpose, to remind you why you hate her.

 

Zune Phone Ad

Zune Phone Ad

Microsoft is a pretty popular punching bag these days in i-culture. Luckily while apple fanboys make these videos, Bill can dry his tears in his sacks of money.

 

Jessica Alba's Breasts Are Cold

Jessica Alba's Breasts Are Cold

Alba went shopping in a Rite Aid this weekend and must have stepped into the freezer section. Either that or she is pointing at the best detergent that money can buy.

 

Hot Rod Movie Tailer

Hot Rod Movie Tailer

Amateur stuntman Rod Kimble (ANDY SAMBERG) has a problem – his step-father Frank (IAN MCSHANE) is a jerk. Frank picks on Rod, tosses him around like a rag doll in their weekly sparring sessions, and definitely doesn’t respect him, much less his stunts. But when Frank falls ill, it’s up to Rod to stage the jump of his life, in order to save his step-father. The plan: Jump 15 buses, raise the money for Frank’s heart operation, and then…kick his ass.

 

Death of Cookie Monster

Death of Cookie Monster

He was shot in the back of the head. What a shame. Now the Sesame Street neighborhood Girl Scouts will never make enough money for their camping trip.

 

Britney's Secret Show!

Britney's Secret Show!

Britney Spears put on a secret show at the House of Blues San Diego last night, under the fake group name "The M&Ms." Apparently she lip-sync'd and gave a lap dance. But no one put money in her thong!

 

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