I think it's just Michael Jackson under that burka…

This little guy is waaay too good to be a lowly subway performer. Get this guy on Hollywood Boulevard, stat!

See Santa Claus do HIS version of the infamous Michael Richards racist meltdown. Ho-ho-horrifyingly offensive!

This reminds me of that Janet Jackson 'Rolling Stone' cover. Only a lot more wholesome!

Only one of many recently-inspired Michael Richards shirts

Teenwolf himself in an ad regarding stem cell research. Watch as he imitates Jello Jigglers!

Sometimes you just need to rest your head in the crotch of a pop star.

Can you do a 720 and slam dunk? Could Michael Jordan? Nope and Nope! This guy gets amazing air! Does he fart to get up there?

Since you didn't go see Snakes on a Plane (like everybody else apparently), why not watch Snakes on a Claire Danes? She's so much hotter than Samuel L. Jackson!

Samuel L. Jackson just announced plans to voice the part of God in a new audio version of The Bible.

We hear Peter Jackson's fat ass wants to direct a movie based on medieval burgers.

This week Michael Douglas lashes out at Bradgenlina, Jessica Simpson is almost preggers, Kanye West is the next Oliver Stone and more!

We hope that Mario can come save the little princess.

See the metamorphasis of a chronically weird popstar.

This week Kanye West discusses his homophobia, Wal-Mart hires illegals, 50 Cent teaches us how to read, and Michael Jackson uses the women’s bathroom.

This week a Star Trek cast member comes out of the closet, Stallone wants to do another Rambo, and there might be another crazy Jackson on the loose.

This week Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston hook up, Bush and Bono have lunch together, Michael Jackson gets called for jury duty and other signs the world is a truly crunked-up place.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

This game is kind of like basketball, but with a baby instead of a ball, and Michael Jackson instead of Michael Jordan.