It's called trying too hard, and it's what you're doing.

Ms. Olsen #1 looks better here than she does during any other given day. The undead look works for you, live it.

Why is he sitting like that? Why is she with this girly guy? She spent the rest of the evening kissing, in public! It’s the Pete Wentz syndrome!

Mary-Kate Olsen is now starring in Weeds. She once starred in Full House. Here the two characters meet for the first time.

In this Pac-Man parody, help Mary-Kate Olsen snort boatloads of primo cocaine. Be sure to play this with your kids.

Wow, an Olsen goes out shopping in her bra! Too bad we're not seeing anything. At all.

The Olsen Twins are now one chick, since both of them are basically half a person.

Ashley Olsen prancing around, wearing nothing but an undershirt and panties. Sexy!

Ashley Olsen prancing around, wearing nothing but an undershirt and panties. Sexy!

Ashley Olsen prancing around, wearing nothing but an undershirt and panties. Sexy!

Ashley Olsen was hangin' out in just a bra and panties... then we caught her taking a cartoon poo! Ew, gross!

Still-skinny Mary-Kate Olsen looked stunning (as in, we're still stunned by this look) when she walked the red carpet wearing Kelly green, a dead raccoon, and a chestplate.

Finally! Someone got an Olsen twin to eat!

Yes, but how old do you have to be?

See the Olsen Twins, Ashlee Simpson, Martha Stewart and other celebrities get their shot at being the next American Idol.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

The day Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen turned 18 was probably the greatest day of our lives.