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As if I needed another reason to love this woman.
Like all people who don't consult the Bible to solve practical problems, I'm at war with Christmas. I wish people "Happy Holidays" , promote the idea of Santa Claus in order to deflect attention away from the role of the Christ-child, and accentuate the pagan elements of the celebration in favor of the Christian ones, which are in extreme danger with our country maintaining a paltry incidence of Christians at a mere 76%. And why wouldn't I? I stand to gain so much from the effort, I really can't afford not to. But we need a shot in the arm. So I'm mining the great war-mongers of the past for material. What do say, Genghis? How would you attack Christmas?
Genghis Khan: Well, first I'd find a few stores that feature religiously neutral decorations, like holly, wreaths, and maybe even some Kwanzaa stuff, because they'd clearly be part of the war effort. I'd absorb them into my army and ride to a store that has the nerve to wish people "Merry Christmas" when they check out. While riding we'd drag yule logs behind our horses to kick up extra dust and give the appearance of greater numbers. When I arrived at the store, let's say it's a Wal-Mart in Texas, I'd explain to the manager that he can either surrender, or everyone in the store can be killed. Then I'd camp out that night, instructing my soldiers to each light 3 Christmas trees apiece instead of just one, again to give the impression of greater numbers. We'd probably light a few Menorahs as well, just to show how at war with Christmas we really are. Naturally, there would be no praying.
Nothing screams festive like a holiday photo of a scantily clad woman of questionable intelligence posing with her lovely lumps.
Much like Santa's sack, Nadia Suleman's uterus is the gift that keeps on giving. Now, pass the eggnog! (Maybe hold the egg on her's.)
Unlock the Mystery of Mary Shaw!
Do you have what it takes to unlock the mystery of Mary Shaw? But be warned, this may make you crap your pants.
Mary-Kate is a Grunge Icon
They listened to Soundgarden, watched Singles, and talked about how much easier life would be if they lived in Seattle.
Mary-Kate Is Possessed
Remember when everybody couldn't wait for her and her sister to turn 18? Yeah, that seems like it was a long time ago.
The Other Boleyn Girl Trailer
In theaters 2-29-08. Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson portray Anne and Mary Boleyn, sisters who compete for the affections of King Henry VIII (Eric Bana). What more could you ask for than a royal cat-fight, a beheading and 16th century costuming? Romance
Tree beard Agrees to Hobbit War
This man has some sort of genetic trait that mutates HPV, causing huge tree like growths to erupt from his body. Where are Mary and Pippin?
The Illusion Of Bloody Mary
You’ve played Bloody Mary when you were younger, now see the illusion. Can you see Bloody Mary?
Mary-Kate Olsen Likes Gays
Why is he sitting like that? Why is she with this girly guy? She spent the rest of the evening kissing, in public! It’s the Pete Wentz syndrome!
Mary-Kate Oldson
Miss Mary dresses like Mrs. Finch from "Follow that Bird". She looks like she escaped from the mental wing of Shady Pines retirement community. Get a new look granny!
Mary-Kate Olsen: Then & Now
Mary-Kate Olsen is now starring in Weeds. She once starred in Full House. Here the two characters meet for the first time.
Hillary Clinton Can't Swear
An entire lighting rig almost falls on Hillary Clinton and the most she can say is "Jesus, Mary and Joseph"?? Even Bush knows how to curse!
Anne Hathaway is Hungry
Anne Hathaway is proof that milk does a body good. However, sucking on your boyfriend's hairy nipple isn't a strong selling point.
Mary-Kate Olsen's Crack Man
In this Pac-Man parody, help Mary-Kate Olsen snort boatloads of primo cocaine. Be sure to play this with your kids.
Mary Louise Parker is Naked
Mary Louise Parker helped promote her show Weeds by posing naked. Hey, whatever it takes, right?
Mary-Kate Looks Like Death
The Olsen Twins are now one chick, since both of them are basically half a person.
