Ugh. We identify too much with this. Too much. We are crying right now. Crying. We hope you, too, can feel his pain if you're not fat. Today, we're all fat kids.

Super Bowl Sunday is here. Before the game starts, find out how much you really know about football.

We'll gladly promote the douchecicles at PETA if they continue to show hot women making sex with vegetables.

Lingerie + Soccer + Babes = You're going to watch this.

The ocean, the world's largest toilet bowl.

From 3rd Rock to blinding Claudia Schiffer in lingerie, Joseph Gordon-Levitt has an awesome agent. He definitely does not deserve this.

Her ass looks great and all but what we'd really like to know is if she has any thoughts on the sub prime mortgage crisis and its lasting effects on the national economy.

An eyewitness said the crime was committed by a "British Lingerie Glamour Model Whore" and this was the lineup they gave them. She's not hard to find...

Donkey Lips returned full force during a Super Bowl Ad for Amp Energy Drink, his casting tape is more disturbing.

Listen to what douche-baggery ensues when two Super Bowl quarterbacks talk to each other on the phone.

Why would Pepsi hire JT, Andy Samberg, and Tony Romo for a commercial? Because they know Coke is better, that's why.

Most of Texas blames Jessica Simpson for the Cowboys demise and wearing their hat before the Super Bowl is salt in the wounds.

Real men don't bet the spread, they bet the "tecmo".

The fact that a couple of balloons can bring soccer to a screeching halt is reason enough why the Super Bowl this weekend is where real "Football" is played.

Score a little credit for Scientology and Will Smith as his film proclaimed "Giants lose to Patriots for second time this season 23 to 7." LRH lives!

Bring those 16-0 Patriots fans down a peg by reminding them of their past with this horrific video from the 86 Super Bowl.

This week Britney Spears is knocked up, Tom Cruise is a Mommy, and Carson Daly is still a douche bag.

While you were pwning newbs in Halo 3, your grandparents were participating in a cross-country Wii bowling tourney. Retirement never looked so good.

Maggie Gyllenhaal is the cover girl for some lingerie company. Check out the picture and submit your best "her nose looks like Ms. Piggy" joke. We couldn't decide.

John Madden claims he wanted to make video games more realistic. Watching this clip of Bo Jackson go crazy all over the field reminds us he took the fun out.