Seriously, was kind of drunk jerk laughs when they're telling young people not to drink and drive? And who exactly was making this crappy-ass low-budget commercial??

Actually this time around we should be calling it re-rehab. HA! Hopefully Promises will help more than Wonderland did!

The Long Island Firecrotch got an early start on the glamorous alcoholism train. I hope those cosmos are virgin!!

Dina Lohan sure did look different when Lindsay was a baby... It must have been before the de-horse-ifying surgery.

Now that she's BACK in rehab with a DUI under her belt, Svedka Vodka has pulled the plug on hosting her party (as in, busloads of free vodka) and the tragic irony of a 20-year-old in a drunk driving accident just weeks before her 21st birthday starts to sink in. Fun!

Lindsay pole-dances in her new movie, "I Know Who Killed Me." We've got the exclusive, SEXY footage.

Lindsay frolicked in the ocean with British boyfriend Calum Best over the weekend, and her nipple tried to escape her bikini. Lucky us.

Classy-lookin' Lins was seen holding some book that's supposed to help her get a boyfriend. But we think that dress will do just fine!!

Britney, Paris, Lindsay and Tara Reid are back and this time they're defending NYC with their Spidey-senses!

Some generous BFF of Lindsay's recorded a bathroom stall coke-binge with her on her camera phone! Finally recorded evidence of what we already knew in our hearts.

Lindsay Lohan is always bouncing in and out of my life.

It's like looking into Lindsay Lohan's future.

A clearly wasted Lindsay Lohan was caught on tape as she exited a club this past weekend, drunkenly stumbling into her waiting ride. Thank god she's in the passenger seat this time!!

Good for you, Lindsay. Now to just get a hang of the part where you wear your shirt, too. I know, these things are hard.

Yep. More DJ AM birthday bash photos. Come on, people, it's right there on the table! I have EYES!

Well I guess when you're clean, you can party harder than those losers, huh? Right Lins?

I bet she even has a yeast infection like us, too.

When you need to air out your crotch, clean off the top of your Red Bull can.

This slut is just hanging out all over the place.

Apparently LiLo has found God. Either that or she's got a flask in there.