Lights up the Russian sky.

Halloween Light Show 2011

In poor countries.

Her face lights up as soon as she hears that music.

Apparently I'm not the only one sick of 3D.

Like all people who don't consult the Bible to solve practical problems, I'm at war with Christmas. I wish people "Happy Holidays" , promote the idea of Santa Claus in order to deflect attention away from the role of the Christ-child, and accentuate the pagan elements of the celebration in favor of the Christian ones, which are in extreme danger with our country maintaining a paltry incidence of Christians at a mere 76%. And why wouldn't I? I stand to gain so much from the effort, I really can't afford not to. But we need a shot in the arm. So I'm mining the great war-mongers of the past for material. What do say, Genghis? How would you attack Christmas?

Genghis Khan: Well, first I'd find a few stores that feature religiously neutral decorations, like holly, wreaths, and maybe even some Kwanzaa stuff, because they'd clearly be part of the war effort. I'd absorb them into my army and ride to a store that has the nerve to wish people "Merry Christmas" when they check out. While riding we'd drag yule logs behind our horses to kick up extra dust and give the appearance of greater numbers. When I arrived at the store, let's say it's a Wal-Mart in Texas, I'd explain to the manager that he can either surrender, or everyone in the store can be killed. Then I'd camp out that night, instructing my soldiers to each light 3 Christmas trees apiece instead of just one, again to give the impression of greater numbers. We'd probably light a few Menorahs as well, just to show how at war with Christmas we really are. Naturally, there would be no praying.

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It's fun to light it on fire and throw it up in the air. Bats, for whatever reason, will dive bomb it!!

Clark Griswalk is going to be soooo jealous.

We wonder if you bring a cooler gift to the strip club - say, a werewolf lighter -- do get better (read = more naked) time in the champagne room? Only one way to find out!

Before we saw this we thought the wolves in New Moon were the gayest wolfs ever, but no. The gayest werewolf can be found on this lighter, which can be yours for the price of $8. Pull out those credit cards, people!