Someone build these two bastards from the ground up out of legos and lonely Sunday nights. Pretty impressive if you ask us, but you didn’t… so we will shut up.

La Toya Jackson has finally obliterated any last ounce of estrogen in her body, she is now a he beast. Or, Eddie Murphy's latest girlfriend in a desperate attempt to disprove the gay tranny escapade.

Diana Ross thought that no one would recognize her without makeup. Unfortunately an old woman died of a heart attack when she mistook Mrs. Ross for Death.

In theaters 10-12-07. Two brothers on opposite sides of the law. Beyond their differences lies loyalty.

In theaters 10-19-07. For 30 days every winter, the isolated town of Barrow, Alaska is plunged into a state of complete darkness. This winter, a mysterious group of strangers appear: bloodthirsty vampires, ready to take advantage of the uninterrupted darkness to feed on the residents remaining in town.

In theaters 11-16-07. The warrior Beowulf must fight and defeat the monster Grendel who is terrorizing towns, and later, Grendel's mother, who begins killing out of revenge.

If you thought Kid Nation was bad, well NBC has a surprise for you. “Babies On Cinderblocks” is the latest hit to debut on Conan.

Tom Cruise and Katie "Robot" Holmes have used the power of Xenu to fast forward time to see what their beautiful baby girl will look like. My eyes… my eyes.

Oliver Future came by the illustrious LG studios to play us some stripped down versions of tunes from their latest record Pax Futura.

"K-Fed" is just so cool. It takes a whole new level of pure awesomeness to bring back late 90's gang signs. Their kids are going to be so real, ya'll.

This week Philip Norris gives you a round-up of the latest news, including a sad story about Britney Spears, who sucks at being a mom.

Barry Bonds passed Hank Aaron last night. There is still no evidence that this should raise suspicion.

Paris went to a Playboy party last night dressed like Paris. Jail time can't keep a good slut down.

According to sources on the set of her latest music video, Britney Spears was so emotionally distressed that she demanded all the extras leave the stage while she attempted to pole dance. Let us pray that poor pole was heavily disinfected… scratch that - just burn it.

Zsa Zsa late husband claims he was robbed and forced to undress by three woman, at gunpoint. Oddly enough they didn’t steal his car or his cell phone... Someone's pants are on fire.

Faith Hill berates a fan during her latest concert after the woman grabbed her husband's balls. Listen closely!

Teaching kids eight and under about the magic and fun of Lindsay Lohan’s latest coke-fuelled party antics!

This morning a little after 2 AM, Lindsay Lohan was arrested on suspicion of DUI. She blew a .12 percent, and was later charged with possession of cocaine. Excellent work, Lindsay. Excellent.

In this episode of Celebrity Slutsicles – sung to Grease’s "Summer Nights" – Lindsay Lohan is in rehab and the rest of the Sluts come to get her out.

A former Walmart employee bought these Chinese-made flip flops and later got a chemical burn from the plastic strap. Now Walmart's giving her a horrible time about it! WTF!