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Let me paint a picture of a man-boy, a legend in the making. This man-boy lives in the woods of the great northwest - Jack London territory - Twilight territory - Kurt Cobain land... you know, like around Seattle.
He lives like a James Bond-Goldilocks, sneaking into people's houses, stealing planes (he learned to fly from video games), stealing speedboats, using night vision goggles to hunt and live off the land, and supplementing his diet with pizza that he has delivered to the woods. Not too hot -not too cold - extra cheese and just right.
The painting of this legend gets bolder, more intricate with every detail, with every stroke of the brush, and I'm not done stroking.
Like Yogi Bear he doesn't wear shoes while snagging "pic-a-nic" baskets, but he isn't stopping at sandwiches, and Park Ranger Smith isn't the only one he is outsmarting. The police and FBI are hot on his trail for over 50 alleged burglaries. Did I mention that he likes to take "cheeky" pictures of himself with victims' digital cameras (in my book this means pictures of his penis wearing sunglasses)?
Who is this man-boy, this 18yr old legend in the making?
Have you heard of Colton Harris-Moore? You just did. Oh, and Jason Bourne... GFY!
Watch the video below, and read these articles to find out more.
Now that you are on Team CHM (Facebook Fanpage alert!) and love him more than Jacob Black, would you pre-order a copy of his video game?
What would you call his video game?
What would you call his movie?
Do you think that Mercedes should be paying him for his endorsement?
Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration the next couple weeks!
When I was asked to write for Liquid Generation, my first though was, "Yes!" My second thought was, "What the F am I going to write about that people are going to care about?" I have no idea what is going on in the world, and I'm sure that you, the LG reader, don't want to hear about my mom making hats, my roommate Kate eating all my potato chips, or my inability to feel... anything... in my heart... I am dead inside...
So what did I do?
I did some research. I turned to THE source for mainstream pop culture here in the United States of America, M Magazine. Guess what. I was not disappointed.
Less than 5 pages into the magazine I came across this article about Serena Williams' recent tennis win against Mother Nature (must be Mick Foley's cousin). Apparently, Serena shut Mother Nature out in straight sets, proving not only herself as THE dominant force in women's tennis, but also showing great ethical fortitude, as apparently Mother Nature has been trying to bribe her by sending her a gift every month.
Okay, you got me. It's not an article. It's an ad for Tampax tampons, the most ridiculous ad for tampons I have ever seen, and completely indicative of the kind of slovenly work that is being done in every corner of print media - people all around are doing crappy jobs.
I couldn't find out exactly how much Serena is getting paid to endorse Tampax, but taking into account how much she has been paid for other endorsement deals, it is probably somewhere in the area of $3 million. The photographer who shot this ad probably made at least a couple of grand for a couple hours work. The art director's copy editors, and everyone involved made a good amount of money from putting this ad together, yet they picked the photo that looks like Serena is squeezing out a fart, not celebrating victory.
Maybe it was all Serena's fault. Maybe she never gave them the right look.
All I am saying is that if you paid me $3 million, I would start using tampons, I would make the right face in the photo shoot, and I could probably even take the picture myself... I have a camera with a timer on it.
Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration the next couple weeks!
If that little girl was us we'd totally be like NOM NOM NOM not WHA WHA WHA. Get a grip girl, they're just boobies.
Look. Yeah we're going to keep posting about Tiger Woods because that's the only thing on the news right now. So unless Jeff Goldblum dies in the next twenty minutes or we just fall alseep while writing this post, this is what you're stuck with so just deal.
So far there are SEVEN girls (or NINE, nobody really knows) who have come out and said they banged Tiger Woods. That's a lot of secret phone numbers to keep in your secret iPhone which will eventually make it's way onto the internet so that your secret sexy sext messages and nude pictures will be seen by the world! Respect!
In case you were wondering which of his mistresses is the hottest, we've got that taken care of for you. We're even going to add Elin to the mix because we're worried she'll be jealous (she's suffered enough!). This was a relatively easy task because the girls all have their own look. None of them really look the same. It seems that Tiger's only requirment for banging a girl was that she had a vagina - that's it! So here we go...
8. Florida waitress, Mindy Lawton. She looks like one of our alcoholic neighbors. "WUD YOU LIKKKE MEE TOOO SEDUSH UUUUUUUUUUU!"
7. Rachel Uchitel. This an old photo of her. In her new photos she looks like this, but more plastic. And less like her lips are made of liver.
6. Don't know what Tiger saw in Jaimee Grubbs. We guess it's kind of cool that she was in Tool Academy. Wait. No we don't. There is nothing redeaming about this chick besides her taste in short red clothes. Moving on.
5. Porn star Holly Sampson. Now we're talking. Now we understand why Tiger Woods would cheat on his wife: Elin obviously hated gay people. Holly Sampson supports gay people so much she's willing to wear a rainbow bikini on her boobs. That could be the only reason why he'd sleep with a porn star, right? RIGHT!?!
(click here to see the rest of the list)
Well, a famous porn actress according to US Weekly. Holly Sampson to be exact. She's of the MILF variety, too. Everybody who watches this stuff knows that MILF porn stars are the bottom-of-the-barrel porn stars. They are the ones who are usually meth addicts. What's the deal with Tiger Woods? He's a billionaire. He should be dating Victoria Secret models and Donald Trump's leftovers, not professional skanks.
Well, well, well. Aren’t we just the cat’s meow. And I say good for you, Tiger! Listen, we all get it; we’ve all been there. I mean, who among us isn’t a billion dollar entity who regularly dips the ol’
9-iron into a waitress’ wedge? It’s the circle of life! (And just a regular Tuesday, if you live in Florida or Nevada!)
But why is the media so willing to fault Tiger for these transactionsgressions? If there’s anyone to blame for Tiger’s “Mistress of the Month Club”, it’s his parents. Give your baby a porn star’s name, and what can you expect? It’s like naming a kid Jeeves. Or Ruth. One’s bound to fetch your smoking jacket; the other’s destined to become a hulking Eastern European who sloughs off the dead skin on your heels.
But Tiger’s parents’ poor name choices aside, what’s the big deal? Should the big-bucks sponsors like Nike and Cadillac really care what Tiger does off the tee? Because by my count, he’s just sticking with brand awareness:
Nike: “Just Do It”
Check.
Cadillac: “Re-imagined. Re-inspired. Re-invigorated. All designed to reignite the soul.”
Check.
AT&T: “Talk is good.”
If you’re a brand, check.
So by that logic, Tiger’s Sexy Times may just help our economy keep on going. His marriage may not, but that’s his parents’ fault.
After hearing about a new movie called Twilight: New Moon and that it's kind of a big deal, LiquidGeneration contacted the nearest middle school to see if anyone was interested in writing a review of the movie for us. This is the review we received.
OHHH MY GAWWWWD YOU GUYS YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS BUT I SAW EDWARD CULLEN WITH HIS SHIRT OFF I CAN TOTALLY DIE NOW. I PRAY THAT HE COMES TO MY SCHOOL AND SWEEPS ME OFF MY FEET AND ME AND HIM CAN RUN AWAY AFTER HE MURDERS BELLA BECAUSE HE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH ME AND THEN WE KISS DURING STUDY HALL THEN WE HAVE SO MANY BABIES OMG THIS MOVIE WAS SO GOOOOOD.
SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD. I CAN'T EVEN KEEP MY EYES OPEN RIGHT NOW ME AND MY FRO9ENDS WENT TO THE MIDNIGHT SCREENING AND WE ATE POPCORN BUT NOT MY FAT FRIEND ANGELA SHE SAYS SHE NEEDS TO GO ON A DIET BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO LOOK GOOD FOR JACOB!!!@!!!! LIKE REALLY, ANGELA, JACOB DOESN'T EVEN KNOW YOU EXIST YOU WERE A FANNY PACK TO SCHOOL AND YOUR FAT HE'S TOTALLY NOT GOING TO BE INTO YOU. MAYBE ONE OF THE GUYS FROM HARRY POTTER LIKE THAT FIRE CROTCH KID, BUT NOT JACOB. JACOB IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU ANGELA AND I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT BUT I'M SORRY YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A SHOT BUT IT WAS SO NICE SEEING THE MOVIE WITH A BFF JUST LIKE YOU.
SPEAKING OF!!! I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE JACOB IS GOING OUT WITH THAT GAWKY SQUINTY FISH FACE TAYLOR SWIFT. WHAT KIND OF LOSER DOES SHE THINK SHE IS ANYWAY. EVERYBODY KNOWS JACOB IS JUST USING HER FOR SEX EWEWWWWW. SHE'S SUCH A DIRTY SKANK IF SHE WAS IN MY CLASS I BET SH'E GIVE EVERYBODY AIDS WITH HER EYES. I H8 U TAYLOR DON'T COME NEAR ME!!!!!!
!!@!!@W!@!!@@@@@@@@!!!!!!!!!!
THE ONLY THING I REALLY DIDN'T LIKE IN THIS MOVIE IS BELLA. I'M SORRY SHE'S JUST SOOOOO STUCK UP ALL THE TIME AND SHE BITES HER LIP WHAT'S ON THERE ANYWAY? DO HER LIPS TASTE LIKE LICORICE OR SOMETHING OR IS SHE TRYING TO EAT A ZIT OFF THEM I BET IT'S THE ZIT. SHE'S TOTALLY NOT A GOOD PERSON FOR EDWARD HER FACE LOOKS LIKE A TROLL. WHAT DOES HE EVEN SEE HER IN HER? I REALLY HOPE SHE DIES EVENTUALLY BECAUSE EDWARD DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER DON'T YOUTHINK? I MEAN, I'M SORRY IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S SOME AMAZINGH PERSON WHO CAN COOL AND WILL CLEAN FOR HIM AND GIVE HIM EVERYTHING HE NEEDS LIKE I WOULD. I WOULD TOTALLY ROCK HIS WORLD IF HE MET ME I JUST KNOW IT...JUST GIVE ME THE CHANCE EDWORD YOU KNOW YOU'D LOVE ME FOREVAHHHHHHHHH!
AHHHHHHH! CAN'T WAIT TILL PARTY 3 COMES OUT IT WILL BE SO MUCH FUN!!!
LOVE YOU.
Ladies and Gentleman, because we're a bit retarded and love a good throwback to the days when creating games that inflicted imaginary harm upon celebrities were not only frowned upon, BUT ALSO CELEBRATED (!), we have for you: Kill The Kardashians. For those of you who believe that this game is crass, wrong, disgusting and morally reprehensible: you are right. But you're also wrong, because we have no doubt - none in the world! - that you also believe Sponge Bob Square Pants is the reason your child is gay. Or something like that. Now to the offended, get back to work. For those of you who want to waste a little more of your company's time playing a fun game insteading of browsing Craigslist for bodies you can kidnap and keep in your closet, enjoy.
P.S. And yes, we still believe Kim Kardashian is one of the hottest woman in the world.
Kim Kardashian Enjoys TwitPic
Thank God for the internet. Thank God for TwitPic. If @kimkardashian didn't love to get almost naked so much these things would just be too boring for us. Here's Kim showing off her body as she gets it ready for a Quick Trim shoot.
Kim Zolciak Is Gay For Boobs
This Real Housewife of Atlanta Super MILF is so about gay rights she's showing her boobs. Which makes sense! Boobs = GAY IS AWESOME, or something.
Britney Spears Is Finally Topless
Here's a leaked screen shot from one of Britney Spears' music videos. It's censored because her nipples aren't really that big a deal.
Kim Kardashian Drinks Stuff
We don't care if this is just an obvious ad for Pepsi. This is a photo of Kim Kardashian and we're required to post every picture of her.
Kim Kardashian Is Sun Burnt
Celebrities! They're just like us - stupid sometimes! Here's a recent pic of Kim. She says she fell asleep in the sun with giant glasses on. LOLs.
Kim Kardashian: Garbage Fail Kids
Kim Kardashian's is a Garbage Fail Kid! Collect all the new Garbage Fail Kids and post them on your blog!
Kim Kardashian's Half-Assed Workout
Get it? Cause you can only see half her ass in the photo, and it doesn't look like she's trying very hard.
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Kim Kardashian Has A Calendar
What's the point of a calendar filled with boobs? It's not like you're going to be looking at the dates anyway. You're going to be looking at the boobs. Just take the dates away and leave the boobs.
Obama Speech Writer Grabs Hillary's Boob
This 27-year-old Obama speech writer (left) is in a little trouble for grabbing fake Hillary Clinton's fake boob. We'd understand if he was grabbing Palin's breasteses, cause she's hot, but whatevs. If he likes man-boobs that's his deal.