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I have no idea what Michael Jordan's been doing since he retired from basketball, but apparently he's been sucking at Twitter. Badly. Almost everyday. This peak inside his brain makes us believe that he might be the most boring super talented person in the world. He's defintely no Shaq, whose tweets routinely make us go lolwhut (lolwhu!?!). Here's a sample of the basketball legend's greatest non-hits:
Clearly, Michael Jordan is your 55-year-old mom with a huge crush on somebody.
This is the only he can say about the New Years? You ate too many shrimp. You're a legend and this is your only comment about NYE. Fantastic. At least we know we had a better NYE than somebody.
TWO HANDS TOGETHER, PEOPLE. LET'S CLAP IT UP. MICHAEL JORDAN DOES WHAT I DO EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT AFTER DRINKING A 24 PACK OF PABST.
Clearly, Gizmodo should hire this guy.
Ok, we have to hand it to MJ. This is a question worth asking. If you're 4-years-old. Or high. He was probably high.
If you'd like periodic updates from LG, you can follow us on Twitter @liquidgen. We promise to be just as boring as MJ and not spam you.
Playmate Playing Wii Fit
Mankind has almost achieved its final purpose, a porn video game. We eagerly await the release of “Gorgasm: The Legend of Dong Slayer", Mr. Jordan.
Michael Jordan vs. The Sheens
In what is most likely "the greatest athletic competition you never knew existed", Martin & Charlie Sheen play basketball against Michael Jordan way back in 1988.
Jordan Has Dumb Kids
Adopted, we are assuming. Never the less sharing genetic intelligence. Look at those "slow" eyes.
Young Jordan
When Jordan was younger, her huge knockers were once slightly less vomit-inducing, and her face was slightly less wrecked. Oh how times have changed.
Jordan Pregnant at the Beach
Jordan was spotted recently in large bikini top and not-so-large bump. Her belly's going to have to really work it if it wants attention away from her boobs!
720 Slam Dunk
Can you do a 720 and slam dunk? Could Michael Jordan? Nope and Nope! This guy gets amazing air! Does he fart to get up there?