Jared Leto got fat for his role as John Lennon's killer. Then he got skinny for his roll as rock music killer. Because he's a douche.

At a conservative political conference, the world's biggest tranny bitch, Ann Coulter, called John Edwards a bundle of sticks. The Fox network doesn't even care.

I would call this table sexist, if I didn't just LOVE what it does for my décor.

Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg perform the instant Christmas classic, "D**k in a Box."

Cincinnati Bengal Chad John gives a locker room interview after a game, during which he sustained a heavy blow to the head. You think he might have gotten a concussion?

Pigeon John doesn’t play any “acoustic” business, but he still came up to our studios and rocked some live hip-hop with his DJ. It’s the kind of stuff that will get your head nodding and your brain smiling…I mean if a brain can smile that is.

Jessica bangs John Meyer, Israel’s bombs explode, and a polygamist leader blasts off to jail. Philip Norris has the stories – and he’s completely un-Photoshopped.

You thought only geeks play D&D? Well, you're right. And sometimes girls play. But these girls are ugly.

We'd scream too if we thought John Travolta from Battlefield Earth was holding us.

This week your family celebrates a holiday, Elton John gets married, New Yorkers walk to work, and the inventor of the internets starts a blog.

Take a look at Elton John's wedding planner. It looks fabulous!

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Send this e-card to your friends, family, or even those you hate. A LiquidGeneration E-Card never discriminates!

It's time for you to torture the man who never became president.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

John Kerry’s campaign video is a pornographic masterpiece that’s fun for the whole family. Okay, maybe not. Still, after you watch it, you’ll want to vote for Kerry, like sixty times!

John Kerry and John Edwards just got married! See some romantic pictures of them when they first started dating and their lust-filled honeymoon.

John Hughes is responsible for all of your favorite ‘80s movies: FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF, BREAKFAST CLUB, and other classics. Are you like a character in one of his movies?