Helga Mohammed el-Salami Author Image

Dear Helga I Gained Weight

By: Helga Mohammed el-Salami
November 18 2009, 5:28 PM

Dear Helga,

I’ve always been fit, but recently, I’ve been stressed out and working a lot, and I’ve put on 10 pounds. I’m horrified by it, but my boyfriend says that he can’t tell the difference. I find that extremely hard to believe. Are guys really that nonchalant about weight?

Dear Tenner,

Of the few certainties in life, you can be certain of two things: 1.) men don’t fake orgasm – and 2.) are NOT nonchalant about YOUR weight.

Even though your BF may be carrying the last 50 beers he drank around his belly, your extra dime is a bigger crown of thorns for him than for you. But – he is wisely taking the passive approach – for now. He wants to see if you are really as horrified as you claim to be.

Get your tonnage back to the gym big-cheeks. You’re not following process. First you marry him and pop out 2.5 children THEN you can cut your hair, gain your weight, quit your job and whatever else you women do before settling on the couch for the next 30 years.  

Love,

Helga

Helga Mohammed el-Salami

Do you have a question that can only be answered by our uncircumcised, pre-operative transsexual? Write to him/her: helga@helgasmailroom.com

Or Visit: http://www.helgasmailroom.com

Or, better yet, get bent.

 

 
Slippy Jenkins Author Image

Reason Not To Have Kids #267

By: Slippy Jenkins
November 10 2009, 9:24 AM

Seriously, if your kid is just going to narc you out to their teacher, what good are they anyway? Kids are for tying your shoe laces, grabbing you a beer and that's about it. You shouldn't have to worry about them telling everyone they know that you earn money making it rain for perverts. LiquidGeneration's been making games and animations about boobs and Britney Spears' drunk butt for years, and our nephews still think we sell insurance. Seriously! Every time I come home for Christmas they never ask me how work's going because they feel sorry for me. Anyway, there's just some things your child shouldn't know and your stripper job is one of them. Also: never bring your work home with you.

(via Don Chavez)

 
Slippy Jenkins Author Image

Ball Busting Vids Will Make You Impotent

By: Slippy Jenkins
November 09 2009, 3:31 PM

If God was so smart, why did he design male genetalia to be 1) as low as it is and 2) totally unprotected. He gave turtles a hardshell and that animal is just about useless if you ask me. Humans created space shuttles, heavy metal music and Maury Povich. They should be protected, especially the itsty bitsy parts of them that makes babies. Such poor design decisions, God. If Steve Jobs was your boss you'd be totally fired.

Today, as Nancy Pelosi was walking somewhere and being important, a reporter following her totally crashed his balls into something that was not a Femaie Baby Incubator. Here's that video, and some others featuring guys who might not be able to get an erection anymore.

 

Reporter takes a dive. Woops.

 

We feel that the Japanese dudes featured in this video actually LOVE being hit in the crotch.

 

This guy's balls actually flew up through his stomach and out of his mouth, but you can't see it due to YouTube's crappy video quality.

 

Finally, these guys are true friends.

 

 

Marisa Miller's Boobs Are Totally Rich

Marisa Miller's Boobs  Are Totally Rich

Here's Marisa wearing a 3 million dollar bra from Harlequin Fantasy Bra. Tell us: how did her boobs get so rich that they're able to afford such a luxury? I mean, all they do is just sit there and look awesome. Not fair!

 

Amy Winehouse Has Fake Ones

Amy Winehouse Has Fake Ones

Oh, look who got a new pair of boobs! And from the looks of it they fell right out of a gumball machine and onto her chest. Now we know Amy is rich, so why does it look like she has a cheap a boob job as that girl in high school who got addicted to crack, like, ten years later?

 

Choose Your Own Pimp Adventure

Choose Your Own Pimp Adventure

In this game your job is to navigate through CrunkTown and deliver your demo tape to a D.J. You make the moves, and risk being caught by the fuzz.

 

Before They Were Boob Jobs

Before They Were Boob Jobs

Boob Alert! Check out these tiny, pre-silicon boobies and tell us who got implants!

 

Best Worst Ad Ever

Best Worst Ad Ever

Bear witness to the most amazingly awful acting jobs in the history of awful acting jobs.

 

Michael Jackson Skateboard

Michael Jackson Skateboard

We'd love to skateboard on this if only to a rim job of the rails on a half pipe. (wait...we're trying to talk Sk8r. Did that make any sense?)

 

Kelly Bensimon's Boob Tries To Run Away

Kelly Bensimon's Boob Tries To Run Away

Real Housewife from New York cast member Kelly Bensimon has a boob job so bad the boobs are trying to hide for cover.

 

Before They Were Boobs Jobs 2

Before They Were Boobs Jobs 2

Rumor is that a few people in Hollywood have gotten boob jobs. Go figure. Well, here are the few we could round up.

 
liquidadmin Author Image

About Liquid Generation

By: liquidadmin
January 01 2009, 2:38 PM

About Us

 

Liquid Generation has been corrupting the internet since 2000. We make funny, irreverent entertainment for web junkies and procrastinators of all types. From cartoons to videos, from games to online pranks, we do it all and we do it awesome.

Whenever you’re alone. Whenever you want to avoid work. Whenever you have no one to hug.

Liquid Generation is here to serve you.

We Love You,

Liquid Generation

P.S. You can write to us at talkback@liquidgeneration.com

 

Talk to LG


We at Liquid Generation love it when friends, family, and personal enemies write to us with suggestions on how to make this website better. You should also feel free to email us if you find anything on the website that’s confusing, missing, spelled incorrectly, or just doesn’t work. We will promptly bring the wrongdoer out to the woods behind our office and shoot them to death.

However, if you just think that one of our animations, games or videos sucks, just keep those niceties to the comment section in each feature, loser.

You can email us at Talkback@liquidgeneration.com

 

Our Team

Tyrese – Imperial Warlord

Tyrese Abdul Salaam Mohammad is Liquid Generation’s Imperial Warlord. Not much is known about His Excellency, except that he’s evaded numerous attempts on his life by the rival warlords that once roamed the dangerous streets in his hometown of Highland Park, IL. Now in California, Tyrese enjoys bonsai gardening and yo-yo dieting.

Email: tyrese@liquidgeneration.com

Slippy Jenkins – Head Writer

Slippy Jenkins is the Head Writer at Liquid Generation. His responsibilities include the writing of things that are funny, as well as making sure that everything that goes up on Liquid Generation doesn’t suck. He and the LG creative team have been responsible for hundreds of popular cartoons, games and online tchotckies that have been seen by millions of people around the world and featured in the Chicago Sun-Times, Entertainment Weekly, Maxim Magazine, US Weekly, Defamer, Best Week Ever, G4TV, CNN, and one of his mother’s favorite “trash mags” Star Magazine, among others. He would like you to know that the previous sentence sounds really good when justifying his trade of penis & fart jokes to friends, family and potential girlfriends. Slippy Jenkins would also like you to know that his LG Sabotage screams are the direct result of pure talent and not of any vocal steroids, alcohol, street drugs, or other performance enhancers.

Slippy Jenkins currently lives in Los Angeles with his Roomba.

Email: slippyjenkins@liquidgeneration.com

Monkey - Creative Director

Monkey began his illustrious career on the Internet by freelancing as a web designer. He was well known for creating some of the gaudiest self-serving Flash sites on all of the internets. He quickly joined the ranks of LG when they were headed in the direction of a Teen Portal. Soon after, Monkey and the other early members of LG realized that a Teen Portal was not the direction they should be going in, they should be making funny animations and games. Monkey’s illustration talents soon came into play and he began illustrating and animating for LG. Monkey soon realized that his years as a failed musician could also come in handy. He applied his talents to making LG’s famous PopToons -- the internet’s most sought after animated music videos starring celebrities. But, Monkey had another talent that his mother didn’t even tell him about: voiceover acting. Ever since he found out the he was one of the most talented voice actors to hit the “web stage,” he began doing most of the voices on the site, and continues to do so to this day. Monkey loves long walks on the beach, and bragging about his title of Liquid Generation’s own Creative Director.

Email: themonkey@liquidgeneration.com

Helga Mohammed el-Salami – Chief Technology Officer

Helga Mohammed el-Salami, Secretary of Email Defense, Code Bitch, pre-operative transsexual.

Mr./Ms. el-Salami was an early convert to the Internet Revolution when, somewhere over a decade ago, he/she stole the source code from an early web page and boldly changed the header text. Since then, he/she has stolen code from tens of thousands of sources and appropriated it for Liquid Generation’s nefarious purposes. Some may have even been yours.

Several years ago, Mr./Ms. el-Salami had been charged with maintaining visitor satisfaction by serving as Liquid Generation’s email liaison. A job that, if judging by the volume of anger flowing through the mailroom, he/she has not been doing all that well

In his/her spare time, which we desperately try to minimize, Mr./Ms. el-Salami enjoys reading books and memorizing the Koran although he/she has had a hard time reconciling the teachings of the prophet with his/her desire to be the first trans-gendered lesbian. But regardless of his/her personal hurdles, Helga Mohammed el-Salami remains a soul seduced by the Internet’s romance. And its pornography.





 

Why You're Insignificant

Why You're Insignificant

Just doing our job to let you know that you don't really matter.

 

Alex Trebek Drunk

Alex Trebek Drunk

NSFW: Alex Trebek seems to hate his job and those he works with. This drives him to get drunk on the job and be hillarious.

 
 

Jessica Simpson Eats Meat

Jessica Simpson Eats Meat

Obviously this is a thinly veiled blow job joke, the question is does Jessica realize that?

 

Russian Office Rampage

Russian Office Rampage

Clearly this guy is just fed up with pulling all the weight in a communist society or something, (It's Just Not Fair!).

 
 

Miley Cyrus is Catching Predators

Miley Cyrus is Catching Predators

She's either working for Chris Hansen or Billy Ray has a much harder job than we imagined.

 

Gubernatorial Boobies

Gubernatorial Boobies

Meet Ashley Youmans, the girl who cost New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer his job and $3000, not quite the happy ending he was hoping for.

 

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