We're not going to lie: this totally made us want to run to the bathroom, turn off the lights and hope to God nobody hears us.

We'd hit it. DON'T JUDGE US.

You use lines from Homer Simpson in every day conversation. But how well do you really know the words of America’s favorite animated dad?

Just put a meat bone in her hand and Sarah Jessica Parker looks just as sexy as Dee Snider in Twisted Sister. Here she is on the set of the new Sex & The City 2, during a flashback of sorts to the 80s, when she was uglier.

Justin Timberlake has a nice rack. I bet his ass is pretty awesome, too.

It's good to know that even though she's been out of the limelight, Jessica Simpson still has her boobs. That just lets us know the world doing alright.

Check out the new Jessica Simpson Garbage Fail Kid. Collect all the new Garbage Fail Kids and post them on your blog! Come back for more week after week!

We're sorry for ever making fun of you, Jessica. We mean it this time. You're not fat. You're not a lardass. You're amazing, and so are your boobs. They are what makes you amazing. Long live Jessica Simpson, long live her boobs.

The voice of Bart Simpson, Nancy Cartwright, is robo-calling people and telling them about the great wonders of Scientology.

It seems like all the weight just goes to her boobs. And her face. And arms. Ass. Legs. Stomach. Jesus H. Christ, this girl's a hot mess.

Or maybe they're just crazy.

Believe it or not, they're related. Is how Jessica Alba's going to look when she's 50. Hopefully not.

Jessica Simpson has lost about 30 pounds, and has obviously be working out – she's got the calves to prove it!

There's a little sagging and cottage cheese, but does it even matter?

Here's an image from the Jessica Alba Campari calendar that's coming out. They could sell this thing without the calendar for all we care. Everyday is Alba day to us!

What Simpson are you? O.J Simpson? Ashlee Simpson? Homer Simpson? Lisa Simpson? Find out now!

OJ Simpson is in trouble again and he needs some legal advice. Who to help, but the man who saved his life – his killer black glove!

Lucky microphone.

Well, she didn't become a fatass after giving birth. But she is wearing a stupid hat.

It looks like Jessica Simpson might have gained some weight now that nobody really cares about her anymore. Unless she's just pregnant, which will make us care about her even less.