It seems like all the weight just goes to her boobs. And her face. And arms. Ass. Legs. Stomach. Jesus H. Christ, this girl's a hot mess.

Or maybe they're just crazy.

Believe it or not, they're related. Is how Jessica Alba's going to look when she's 50. Hopefully not.

Jessica Simpson has lost about 30 pounds, and has obviously be working out – she's got the calves to prove it!

There's a little sagging and cottage cheese, but does it even matter?

Here's an image from the Jessica Alba Campari calendar that's coming out. They could sell this thing without the calendar for all we care. Everyday is Alba day to us!

What Simpson are you? O.J Simpson? Ashlee Simpson? Homer Simpson? Lisa Simpson? Find out now!

OJ Simpson is in trouble again and he needs some legal advice. Who to help, but the man who saved his life – his killer black glove!

Lucky microphone.

Well, she didn't become a fatass after giving birth. But she is wearing a stupid hat.

It looks like Jessica Simpson might have gained some weight now that nobody really cares about her anymore. Unless she's just pregnant, which will make us care about her even less.

We definitely like Alba a lot better these days. Her boobs have that post-pregnancy bounce to them.

Jessica is as happy about her boobs as you are.

Obviously this is a thinly veiled blow job joke, the question is does Jessica realize that?

Ashlee Simpson's pregnancy has created what will be an epic "Boob-off" between Ashlee and Jessica, Master of Incest, Joe Simpson, of course will be the referee.

Jessica Alba posed as Charlie Chaplin for a recent photo shoot because she was told to not because she had any idea whom he was.

Finally she remembered she's Jessica's sister and that boobs are the family's trademark.

Cash Warren, you sir are the captain of the douche squad, K-Fed has nothing on you, you openly mock Jessica's pregnant body while the rest of us mourn what you ruined.

Tony Romo, there is no way to have blue-icing make outs and a respectable NFL career, it's just not possible.

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz got engaged! Now that they got that out of the way... time for the divorce!