That's not how it's done.

You can do at a party, to impress your friends.

I can barely walk and bounce a ball. So, maybe I'm easily impressed?

Look at what just dropped, ya'll! New Juggal-footage!

It's amazing that it's almost been a year since the last Gathering of the Juggalos. The world was a lot more innocent then. There were no oil spills, our iPhones didn't drop bars when you touched them, and we were still reeling from the 9th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos.

Here's the latest infomercial promoting the next gathering, which I'm kinda impressed by. I don't know how they managed to get Coolio, Tila Tequila, Slick Rick and Gallagher all at the same event, but they did it. Miracles, ya'll. 

Also, let's talk about Sugar Slam for a second. Her mouth is dirty, she looks a little slutty and...well, she looks a little slutty. If this caliber of women will be attending the Gathering next month - and not this thing - then you can rest assured I'll be there, painting dripping from my sweaty, ICP-admiring crack and everything. 

I have heard so much about the new Mac Tablet that I almost want to get one myself... even though they supposedly don't exist, and if they do, no one has ever seen one, besides Willy Wonka... uhh, I mean Steve Jobs and his Oompa-Loompas.

So much speculation has gone into what these magical tablets are going to look like and what they are going to do, and yet no one has thought about how these new devices are going to affect the way we see celebrities.

Lucky for you guys, I know a thing or two about magic too, Photoshop magic. Using my Photoshop magic I was able to whip up some images of what we all have to look forward to from some of your favorite celebs once the Mac Tablet flies into Apple stores via the glass elevator.

Before the Mac Tablet, Pete Wentz was kind of a playful d-bag. When the Mac Tablet comes out, Ashley Simpson still won't be able to sing, but he will be an even more playful d-bag, even more overly impressed by his own cleverness and long eyelashes.

P.S. - Expect someone like Rob Zombie or Robin Williams to show up on the VMA's dressed like Moses and carrying two Mac Tablets with the twelve commandments (possibly of rock and roll). Trust me. 

Sincerely,

Charles McCarthy
IdeasbyChuck.com

Very rarely do I ever have any serious desire to meet celebrities. This is partly because, like I pointed out before, I am pretty out of touch with pop culture, and partly because I have met a bunch of celebrities. Most of the time, they are very disappointing - douches.

Sitting here in my coffice (coffee shop + office) next to the Gaming Club (they play board games here twice a week) I don't feel too Hollywood, though I guess I am... since I live in Hollywood. But, I didn't move out here because it was my dream to hang out with Paris Hilton or pal around with Wilmer "Yo Mama" Valderama. These Gaming Club guys can get a little rowdy, but I can tell you from experience, they are much less annoying to be in the same room with than the Valderama.

This said, I have to admit that every once in a while I hear enough about a famous person that I actually want to meet them, to see what they are really like.

I have been feeling this way about Lady Gaga for a while now for a couple of reasons. First, she kind of reminds me of my week long high school ex-girlfriend Larkin Grimm (a weirdo musician in her own right) and a couple of other girl friends (friends that are girls). This feeling of familiarity is all about her general craziness and desire to dress to impress or offend. Second, she kind of looks like my old boss Suzie from Liberty Curio, a junk shop that I worked at selling junk on Ebay and Craigslist.

Recently (30 minutes ago after I read her Wikipedia entry), I started to feel a desire to meet Ke$ha too. I don't know how much of her Wikipedia entry is true, but she had me at "breaking into Prince's house." Anyone crazy enough to enter Prince's domain uninvited... wow. Throwing up in Paris Hilton's closet is pretty cool too. Plus, she is hot, really hot, and like me and Lady Gaga, she likes to hang out in her undies.

I know I said I don't like blondes in my post about Chuckota (super celebrity couple Chuck McCarthy and Dakota Fanning), but I am pretty sure that neither Ke$ha nor Lady Gaga are real blondes. Moreover, I just want to meet them, get to know them. Dating is a long way down the road. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I might hate both of them in real life.

Anyway, I decided that I am going to try to meet and hang out with Lady Gaga and Ke$ha. This is where living in Hollywood comes in handy. I am fairly confident that I can track them down. Los Angeles is big, but not that big.

I already found both of their Myspace profiles, and friended them. I hope they accept. Lady Gaga was online when I sent her the request, so maybe she will get back to me soon!

Let me know if you have any advice... or if you are Ke$ha or Lady Gaga, let's hang.