How's it going?

I'm surprised the secret service let the player get so close to Dub-Ya.

Well, it's happened again. You've blasted through another year and suddenly it's Thanksgiving again. We do a big Thanksgiving down here. It's a good holiday for a diverse crowd, since it's secular and you don't really need to explain much, even to people who have never heard of it. Have a big feast, open a few bottles of wine. Everybody "gets it". And holidays that center around cooking are big in Hell, since heat is easy to come by in a lake of fire that burns hotter than the hottest earthly flame.

I'm hosting this year like I always do. It used to be a real treat for everyone to come to my place, since I lived in the most exclusive neighborhood in all of Hell. Guests would make jokes like "What's the cover charge going to be?" But while my neighborhood was nice when I moved in, it's pretty shitty now. One of the hazards of eternity, I guess, unless you want to move every hundred years. Now the place is really run down and all the businesses have left. I knew we'd hit the skids when I drove by a Souplantation with my neighbor Ron and he said, without irony, "It would be really cool if we could get one of those". It's come to that. Now people make jokes like "Yeah, we'll be there, just let me get my flak jacket out of the attic".

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The week ahead holds plenty of possibilities for any T.V. junkie. Here are a few picks you should definitely consider not checking out.

Monday: The Event. It has a backwards "E" in the logo! Don't you understand?! That is AWESOME! It has aliens! And intrigue! Assuming you were as enraged as anyone at the lack of accountability demonstrated in the storytelling of Lost, wouldn't watching this show put you neck-and-neck with a battered woman who meets her next boyfriend in a police drunk tank? The Event airs Monday nights at 9PM on NBC.

Tuesday: NCIS: Los Angeles. Person A: "Who's the special agent in charge here?!" Person B: "Chris O'Donnell." Person A: "I'm serious!" Person B: "So am I." Person A: "Wait, really?" NCIS: Los Angeles airs Tuesday nights at 9PM on CBS.

Wednesday: The Middle. Husband and wife. 3 kids. Oldest, jock. Middle, awkward. Youngest, precociously smart. Were you in a coma for the sitcom era of television? No? Oh, then never mind. The Middle airs Wednesday nights at 8PM on ABC.

Thursday: The Big Bang Theory. Want to see what T.V. writers imagine the extremely educated to act like? You don't have to. It turns out they act like every stereotypical nerd you've ever seen on television and in the movies.  The Big Bang Theory airs Thursday nights at 8PM on CBS.

Friday: CSI: NY. Hey, know what would be interesting? A police procedural about crime scene investigators! Sweet! Hey, know what would also be cool? If there was a version that took place in New York City. Can you imagine? A cop show in New York?! Where's our Emmy?! CSI: NY  airs Friday nights at 10PM on CBS.

Saturday: Click. In case you never saw one of the million and a half student films that tackle the concept of a television remote that influences reality, Fox is running Click, the story of a man with a television remote that influences reality. I wonder if he'll learn a valuable lesson in the end. Click airs this coming Saturday at 8PM on Fox.

Sunday: The Amazing Race. They've had 17 seasons. How can it be amazing if it's been done 17 times? I don't know, but I plan to not find out. The Amazing Race airs Sunday nights at 8PM on CBS.

Half of Saudi women are fat - "Nearly half of Saudi women aged between 30 and 45 years are fat and this makes them more vulnerable to heart diseases, according to a medical study published in a local newspaper on Monday." Mean.

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Lifehacker pretended to be a doctor last week and put together an article about What Alcohol Actually Does to Your Brain and Body. It's long, so grab a drink.

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Speaking of alcohol, doctors are now saying that it's okay to booze it up if you've had Heart Bypass Surgery. Though it's still hard to justify the hookers and blow.

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Men fake orgasms, too. "Several men in the study reported faking an orgasm because they had no other way to end a sexual encounter without awkwardness," says the Fox News article. Wait. FOX NEWS IS REPORTING ABOUT SOMETHING BEING FAKE. OMG, U GUYS!!!!1

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Neanderthals had a naughty sex life. This isn't a medical study per se, but it does confirm our suspicion that damn, we used to be a bunch of sluts, ya'll.

Look at what just dropped, ya'll! New Juggal-footage!

It's amazing that it's almost been a year since the last Gathering of the Juggalos. The world was a lot more innocent then. There were no oil spills, our iPhones didn't drop bars when you touched them, and we were still reeling from the 9th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos.

Here's the latest infomercial promoting the next gathering, which I'm kinda impressed by. I don't know how they managed to get Coolio, Tila Tequila, Slick Rick and Gallagher all at the same event, but they did it. Miracles, ya'll. 

Also, let's talk about Sugar Slam for a second. Her mouth is dirty, she looks a little slutty and...well, she looks a little slutty. If this caliber of women will be attending the Gathering next month - and not this thing - then you can rest assured I'll be there, painting dripping from my sweaty, ICP-admiring crack and everything. 

OMG We've never seen a dumber animal in all of our lives! This little guy actually thinks he's farting! HA! He should be put to sleep he's so stupid. 

Hey, just kidding about putting the dog to sleep. BUT WOULDN'T THAT BE HILARIOUS THOUGH!?!

Hey guess what, nerds! Being a dork is popular these days! In fact, nerding yourself up will get you rich! Laid! Jay-Z isn't your hero these days, it's Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg, right?

No?

That's what I thought. Still, this parody of Jay Z's Empire State of Mind preaches The Dream for all you socially enept people out there.

You can use ChatRoulette for bingo playing, masturbating and now AWKWARD DATING. Yes, you can only video chat with somebody for so long until you need to be creeped out by each other in person. Recently our friends Chuck McCarthy and Will Hutson met a girl on CR and thought HEY, THIS IS EXCITING. So they met up with her at a local restaurant...who knows, pretty soon they might all be married.  I dunno. Right now ChatRoulette Dating is classified as an extreme sport because it's just so new, and you have to be kind of crazy to do it. Or not be scared of STDs. I don't know what's floating around ChatRoulette these days so I really can't say. I haven't been there since Monday.

Anyway, check out this footage of Chuck and Will's date.

When we were little we thought the Pizza Man invented the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Obviously,  we were wrong (because we were stupid, ya see!)

(via thefrogman.me)

Hey, just so you know: there are things other than tiny private parts on ChatRoulette. There are also LiquidGeneration artists on the site. If you're matched up with one, just let the artist know and we'll send you a little prize. One lucky ChatRoulette loser already ran into one today. His mind was blown, obviously. 

We have long known that Etsy is for lonely females to buy cutesy arty crap from other lonely females, but this is getting out of control. Check out these Twilight Body Pillows. We're not even going to imagine what the Twilight SuperFans are going to do with these. It's just completely out of the question.

This is the face of loneliness.

Hey, did you know midgets are hilarious when they get angry? It's true! They are truly really, really silly people when they swear and pretend they're not adorable and everything. We just want to squeeze his cheeks and say "OH YOU'RE SO CUTE! OH YES YOU ARE! OH YES YOU ARE!"

Hey, it's me again. LiquidGeneration's illustrator and functioning illiterate. Hola!

So I came across this weird website, ChatRoulette.com. It's a website that connects you instantly with a random stranger. Only you don't just chat, you interact with webcam and audio (you have the option to turn these off, but I never do because I like being creepy). Sounds exciting, right?

I ran some numbers on the site because I like math. The average age of the people chatting is about 20-years-old, though I did see a couple of kids and a man with a beard so long and gray he reminded me of Santa (my hero!).

The gender ratio is really imbalanced. For every 20 guys there is 1 girl (and even a couple girls that are really dudes). Most of the people are just guys with a frowned faces looking pathetic and depressing. It depressed me even just looking at them for half a second.

There are some girls, however most of them are too ugly to get a date.  Then there are the mixed groups of guys and girls sitting at the computer together, which I guess is a little better than sitting there by yourself looking like a serial killer.

If people don't want to show their faces, they usually put signs up in place of themselves. They write things like "Tits or GTFO." I even saw a teddy bear wearing dark shades with a note that read "Cure My Blindness, Show Your Tits." So I did, even though mine are really small. The most shocking sign was "Show Tits for Haiti." I didn't do this because that would be wrong. And again, my boobs are really small and mannish so what would be the point? I'm not on the internet to upset people.

One of the more disappointing moments came when I chatted with a guy for a whole minute. I asked him to make a peace sign because I wanted to see if he'd follow my commands like a monkey, but he just smirked, flipped me off and disconnected!  

So go ahead, talk to strangers! It's fun!

Also! Here are my statistics for approximately 100 chats I had on ChatRoulette these past two days. "Others" consist of pets, stuffed animals and drugs. Yes, somebody wanted me to talk to their bong.

And just so you get a sense of the type of people going to ChatRoulette, her are some of our favs that we found during our chat sesh:

He's going to snipe your penis! Watch out!

NBA superstar look alike Yao Ming! :p

i wish they all could be California girls.

Hey, you. Stop making fun of redheads. They are people, too. Annoying, fat, ugly and very ugly people.

Sure it's sort of a surprise that Meredith Baxter - the mom from Family Ties - is a lesbian. But that's hardly shocking in this day and age. WHAT IS SHOCKING, is that you can find NAKED BOOB videos on YouTube if they pass certain medical criteria and they teach you perverted things.  One of these videos features Meredith Baxter totally busting out during a breast exam. Yeah, not really that hot. But hey, you get to see her cans, though not right here because we like to keep it classy. If you know how to use the YouTube search engine, just go ahead and look for it.

So last week we posted a blog about the world's tallest model and whether or not you'd totally sleep with her. We do realize that this post probably neglected the ladies who come to our website (but not the lesbians!) so we just wanted to be fair and post some dudes for ya'll. Here's Andre the Giant and some wrestling midget. Now who'd you rather?

Would we sleep with Andre the Giant? Our answer is after the jump.

(Click here if you want to go after the jump, fool!)