It turns out the Palin girls are entitled and bitchy. Willow and Bristol bravely rushed to the defense of their various television endeavors the other day and locked horns with some other Wasilla teenagers through Facebook. Willow shocked everyone when she acted like a 16-year-old daughter of a republican by tossing out some homophobic slurs. She'd better watch herself if she wanders into the gay section of Wasilla. They won't take kindly to her calling her classmate Tre "such a faggot". By the way, does any kid in Wasilla have an actual first name? Bristol, Track, Levi, Piper, Willow, Tre... Anyway, if there were any doubt that Trig is my favorite member of the Palin family, there is none now. As a bonus, here's this week's Smart News Story, about a guy who shot his T.V. over Bristol's Dancing With the Stars routine.

The objective of any social situation is to make everyone else feel dumb and always have the last word. Here are a few issues to discuss at tonight's dinner engagement, and a couple ways you can be a pompous, know-it-all prick when talking about them.

Talking Point: Obama's Asia trip was a disaster!
Anyone who brings this up is probably referring to Monday's Slate article written by Eliot Spitzer. But you don't have the schooling to discuss international politics! Divert attention from the real issue by taking a cheap shot at Spitzer for the prostitution scandal (which I'd estimate is still 2 years away from being stale) by doing something like pretending to confuse Spitzer with Charlie Sheen, then exclaiming "Oh sorry, I can't imagine how I mixed those two up!" to peals of laughter. Fair warning, though, in the wrong crowd this could lead to an earnest discussion of Two and a Half Men.

Talking point: Prince William is marrying a commoner!
Key know-it-all prick info: The notion that British royals are bound to marry other royals is actually false (note the use of the word "actually" here. "Actually" is a really good way to sound like a know-it-all prick). They've been marrying outside their own ranks for years. And thank god, because they were becoming known for their inbreeding. As for any issues the Queen has about the marriage, whip this one out: According to George Bernard Shaw in Pygmalion, "It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him"! Everyone is sure to laugh uproariously at this, and you'll be remembered for the most deftly applied Shaw quote of the season!

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Who'd you rather? This sweet old lady sitting on the bench or that cupcake? We know it's a hard choice, but you really have to choose.

Half of Saudi women are fat - "Nearly half of Saudi women aged between 30 and 45 years are fat and this makes them more vulnerable to heart diseases, according to a medical study published in a local newspaper on Monday." Mean.

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Lifehacker pretended to be a doctor last week and put together an article about What Alcohol Actually Does to Your Brain and Body. It's long, so grab a drink.

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Speaking of alcohol, doctors are now saying that it's okay to booze it up if you've had Heart Bypass Surgery. Though it's still hard to justify the hookers and blow.

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Men fake orgasms, too. "Several men in the study reported faking an orgasm because they had no other way to end a sexual encounter without awkwardness," says the Fox News article. Wait. FOX NEWS IS REPORTING ABOUT SOMETHING BEING FAKE. OMG, U GUYS!!!!1

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Neanderthals had a naughty sex life. This isn't a medical study per se, but it does confirm our suspicion that damn, we used to be a bunch of sluts, ya'll.

Watching cheerleaders fall is pretty funny. It's also amazing, I don't think any of these girls were permanently hurt.

Funny or not, you gotta feel sorry for the guy.

So you're not surprised by what you'll find in the ballot tomorrow, here's a little sneak peak at the California state measures. 

Super funny foreign short-film. Very short, just over a minute.

I didn't know people still pulled pranks in airports, especially Heathrow, I wouldn't think the police, etc would find it very funny.

Wait for it, it's funny as heck.

One of the funniest ads, too bad it was banned.

Considering the stress involved, I'm surprised there's much humor in Formula 1 racing.