Don't laugh. We're all obsessed with Vanessa Hudgens.

It's not fat, it's awesome.

We kid about Lohan all the time, but never about her sideboob. We always welcome it.

When Michael Jackson died, his soul went into this small child. The kid is now a very talented...but hopefully headed down a different path. Say No to Propofol!!!!

Did K-Fed eat his kids or something? Dude is fat! In his defense though, fat people are considered "healthy" in his hometown of DouchebagVille.

Talk about chubbing up. Lay off the Doritos and pick up the crystal meth!

Just kidding, fatso, she wants to give this guy a massage.

That kid could should be sent to slammer for beating his buddy. Or just given the death penalty. Kids just can't get away with this anymore.

You might have thought that Anna Faris would be perfect for you because she seems like a regular chick and she's funny and seems to be into fat dudes. Well, you're right. Except for the part about being into you...she's into the fat dude pictured above, who she married over the weekend.

Is Paris Hilton ever going to get fat and sloppy? Maybe she's not even human, and will forever stay young and hot and kind of stupid. We hope. Those are amazing traits.

Watch this guy beat the crap out of these little kids. Kung Fu really does work!

Lay off the cheesburgers, Jason Biggs. Just because you're not working lately doesn't give you a license to eat every studio head that doesn't put you in a movie.

This is Ryan Seacrest as a kid, and as you can see, he still looks really gay.

These girls are going to watch this video in ten years and realize that they were never cute and adorable as a kid, but scary and AXE-murderer-ish.

Just face it: you will never get a girl as hot as Hayden, just continue to be a big fat dork.

We really don't know why strippers are allowed to have kids if they can't match their shoes.

Kids: Don't try this at home. You will die. This kid didn't die because he's super skinny. Most of you are fat.

We've never liked AC/DC because their fans are totally weird. Case in point, this kid.

Yes, Anna Kournikova is looking at your love handles and thinking she definitely doesn't want to bang you.

Show this to your kids so they don't invest all their Piggy Bank money with a psychopath like Bernie Madoff!