Warning! This spider will kill you if you get to close. Just look at this fat lady try and run from it; she doesn't stand a chance. The only way to kill something this big is to throw it a bone or a newspaper. We hear that works pretty well. Or just threaten to take it to the vet. Whatevs, just DON'T GET TO CLOSE.

Jesus Christ, Val Kilmer. Not only are you a huge fatass you're beginning to look like a lesbian, too. How many Pizza Huts have you eaten in the last 20 years (and we mean the Pizza Hut buildings, not slices of pizza). You should be appearing on the Celebrity Fit Camp and try your best not to hide any of the other contestants under your fat rolls so that you can win.

From the LiquidGeneration Office of Things That Are Probably Not True, we stumbled upon an observation by a member of Buzzfeed who seems to think that George Clooney is a big fat racist. Or something. Here you can see him standing in applause for Sandra Bullock at the Oscars, but he is curiously seated for Mo'Nique's speech. Hmm. Maybe he just doesn't like women with hairy legs?

Dude, we thought Amanda Seyfried was totally innocent the way she acts all innocent-like on Big Love. Apparently she's a big HO (just kidding! Not every girl who dresses up like this is a slut (only Heidi Montag and Lady Gaga!). Really we can think of nobody on Earth right now who is more beautiful than Amanda. It makes us want to buy a pair of whatever she's wearing so that we can be just as beautiful as her, too. Wait. That's the way it works, right?

More hawtness from Esquire right here.

Didn't your mother tell you not to pet the dog to hard? She also should have warned you about the dolphin.

This douchebag...

...is getting married to this hottie.

Their wedding picture might look something like this:

But because Seth Green is Seth Green (and the beautiful genes from his wife will probably be filtered out because God is cruel)  their kid is probably going to look something like this:

This is what we're having for lunch today. How about you? How will you make yourself fat today?

Just kidding! This band will send your ears to hell! We swear! DO NOT press play on this video unless you want to be struck down by the GOD OF SUCK. Supposedly their name is Final Placement. They are from Texas and the lead singer's dad likes to sue websites for posting this video. O RLY? This is a news blog buster, fair use!

(via Videogum)

It's Fat Friday again, where the LG Animators’ go out to lunch and consume the most amount of fat and calories as we possibly can. It’s all about getting hungry and attacking fast food joints. Maybe even get kicked out of a few because people hate our “Get Out or Pig Out,” Eat, Sleep, Draw” and “Love, Peace and Taco Grease” T-shirts. We like being cheesy, because we like cheese. In fact, this Friday I won't rest until I get my fix of cheese. The combination of turkey, cheese, fries and delicious Rottweiler has put me over the edge to eat!

Also! The LG store is back! Since we announced the LG store back in November, we have added even more sugar and more cholesterol. Now we have bags of bite size brownies, cookies, and Pixy Stix. They have raised our blood sugar level quickly, causing a cheap thrill sugar rush. Maybe they will keep us from going hungry for a couple weeks. We also got a new bottle of diet pills Zantrex, because bulimia and anorexia is just not cutting it.

Fat Friday Pro Tip: Just eat it! You're already fat!

Hey, it's me again. LiquidGeneration's illustrator and functioning illiterate. Hola!

So I came across this weird website, ChatRoulette.com. It's a website that connects you instantly with a random stranger. Only you don't just chat, you interact with webcam and audio (you have the option to turn these off, but I never do because I like being creepy). Sounds exciting, right?

I ran some numbers on the site because I like math. The average age of the people chatting is about 20-years-old, though I did see a couple of kids and a man with a beard so long and gray he reminded me of Santa (my hero!).

The gender ratio is really imbalanced. For every 20 guys there is 1 girl (and even a couple girls that are really dudes). Most of the people are just guys with a frowned faces looking pathetic and depressing. It depressed me even just looking at them for half a second.

There are some girls, however most of them are too ugly to get a date.  Then there are the mixed groups of guys and girls sitting at the computer together, which I guess is a little better than sitting there by yourself looking like a serial killer.

If people don't want to show their faces, they usually put signs up in place of themselves. They write things like "Tits or GTFO." I even saw a teddy bear wearing dark shades with a note that read "Cure My Blindness, Show Your Tits." So I did, even though mine are really small. The most shocking sign was "Show Tits for Haiti." I didn't do this because that would be wrong. And again, my boobs are really small and mannish so what would be the point? I'm not on the internet to upset people.

One of the more disappointing moments came when I chatted with a guy for a whole minute. I asked him to make a peace sign because I wanted to see if he'd follow my commands like a monkey, but he just smirked, flipped me off and disconnected!  

So go ahead, talk to strangers! It's fun!

Also! Here are my statistics for approximately 100 chats I had on ChatRoulette these past two days. "Others" consist of pets, stuffed animals and drugs. Yes, somebody wanted me to talk to their bong.

And just so you get a sense of the type of people going to ChatRoulette, her are some of our favs that we found during our chat sesh:

He's going to snipe your penis! Watch out!

NBA superstar look alike Yao Ming! :p

i wish they all could be California girls.

To all of you old timers who are sitting at home with no kids OR if you can't have kids, don't worry about it. There are always options. Always.

Just kidding! She's not fat at all! In fact, she's probably anorexic! Her name is Brooklyn Decker, and she's married to that tennis player Andy Roddick - that guy who looks like Stifler, who is that guy in American Pie who wants to bang your mom.

Some quick facts about Brooklyn, who we're thinking about stalking (because why not!).

-She's 22-years-old

-She's giving you major bone right now

-She's on Twitter - which means it's easy to find reasons why she might be really annoying. Like this reason:

But then we stop looking at her Twitter feed and stumble upon photos like this and realize that we can put up with annoying people, so long as they look like the hottest freaking girl in the world.

But then we remember we're not Andy Roddick, and we don't have six-pack abs and our name isn't something awesome like The Situation. We slowly realize we're totally never going to bang Brookly Decker. Then we cry. Then we go to Subway and order some fatass sandwich, not the healthy ones that Jared orders. Then we go home, cry some more while looking at ourself in the mirror and then turn on the computer to try and find naked pictures of Brooklyn Decker on the internet.

Eventually we end up like this:

Go ahead. Get your Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Issue fix right here.

Hello. My name is David Portado and I'm in love with Snooki. I'm also one of the illustrators at LiquidGeneration. Excuse how illiterate I am.

Early on in The Jersey Shore, we found out that none of the Shore girls were shy, especially my favorite 4 foot 9 inches guidette Snooki, who tried to hook up with every guy on the show. Yesterday RadarOnline.com reported that there may be a Snooki Sex Tape or nude pictures on the loose. Thankfully!  However, Snooki took to Twitter to deny the pics and vid exist: "Like i said before about my supposed 'sex tape'...There are no nude pictures nor will there ever be. the tabloids just love snook gossip ;]"

MTV just gave the boobalicious cart-wheel-showing vagigi and the rest of the Jersey Shore crew members a new season, with 12 new episodes to shoot in the winter which will air sometime this summer. So get ready for more fist pumping, sex, and drunken bar fights! The whereabouts to where they're going to tape it is still unknown, but I'm sure it's going to be someplace warm like LA so I can molest Snooki.

The cast of Jersey shore is here in LA taping the Leno and Ellen show so we have set up a trap to capture her and tape her sucking her favorite thing, a big fat juicy pickle!

Now that's a snookuation!

Stay tune in case we end up capturing her. In the mean time, you can find out How Jersey Shore Are You? by taking the quiz.

So you've finally seen the iPad and made a tampon joke or two about it. But if my gut is telling the truth, then we're all going to be dead when the people at Apple Corporate murder us with their lazer beam eyes. Seriously! Have you checked out that iPad video yet? Here are some stills:

Senior Vice President of Industrial Design Jonathan Ive is responsible for make the things at Apple pretty. However, his eyes can see through your underpants and shoot amazingly designed lazer beams at your face, so watch out.

After he's done eating all the meat on your bones, SVP of Hardware Bob Mansfield, will kidnap your 13-year-old nephew and try to play video games with him. Or he might appear in Crimson Tide 2 - SERIOUSLY GUYS, DOESN'T HE LOOK LIKE THAT ONE GUY? JUST A LITTLE BIT?

Scott Forstall, SVP of iPhone Software, will stare at you from across the room until you're completely naked. I kid you not. He will not leave until then.

Okay, stop looking at them. You know what I'm talking about. This is getting a little childish right now.

And at such a young age, too. But when there are other bitches in your stable, man, you just have to walk.

I just finished reading the January / February issue of M Magazine cover to cover. Along the way I discovered so many crazy secrets that had me going OMG 4 DAYZ and LOLZING all over the place.

I found that there is a famous kid named BooBoo, Miley Cyrus and her grandma are actually twins (the details as to what kind of time travel or cryogenic freezing was involved are hazy), Kim Kardashian loves big juicy hotdogs, and only Taylor Swift's brother Austin knows that she has a Britney Spears poster hanging in her bathroom! Oops! I just spilled that! OMG now EVERYONE KNOWS!

Don't think for a second that I didn't find some things out about myself, too. I learned that, as a middle child, I am "a total peacemaker who can solve fights that break out (solving fights is harder than solving puzzles)," and I also found out that I am going to catch my crush with sweetness and by not being in the middle of "drama-rama."

With every page turned, I found something more and more amazing, and on the last page, I discovered my favorite section of M Magazine. No SILLY! Not the end! OMG I totes never wanted to finish reading! No, I found the M Comics section!

The M Comics section is soooooo nutz! Demi ate some pizza and then, and then she, she farted in Frankie's face playing Twister! Yeah! He totally got "fart bombed!" Then, then you won't believe it! Noah and Frankie silly stringed "Niley" right when they are about to kiss! I almost died TOTES LOLZ OMG. The "lil sibs do rule!"

Now that I am done with this issue, I guess I will just have to follow @M_Magazine on Twitter to stay up to date on all my celeb gossip until next month's issue comes out!

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration this week.