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Of Queen's 'Don't Stop Me Now'.
Something like this, you just can't recover from.
Like all people who don't consult the Bible to solve practical problems, I'm at war with Christmas. I wish people "Happy Holidays" , promote the idea of Santa Claus in order to deflect attention away from the role of the Christ-child, and accentuate the pagan elements of the celebration in favor of the Christian ones, which are in extreme danger with our country maintaining a paltry incidence of Christians at a mere 76%. And why wouldn't I? I stand to gain so much from the effort, I really can't afford not to. But we need a shot in the arm. So I'm mining the great war-mongers of the past for material. What do say, Genghis? How would you attack Christmas?
Genghis Khan: Well, first I'd find a few stores that feature religiously neutral decorations, like holly, wreaths, and maybe even some Kwanzaa stuff, because they'd clearly be part of the war effort. I'd absorb them into my army and ride to a store that has the nerve to wish people "Merry Christmas" when they check out. While riding we'd drag yule logs behind our horses to kick up extra dust and give the appearance of greater numbers. When I arrived at the store, let's say it's a Wal-Mart in Texas, I'd explain to the manager that he can either surrender, or everyone in the store can be killed. Then I'd camp out that night, instructing my soldiers to each light 3 Christmas trees apiece instead of just one, again to give the impression of greater numbers. We'd probably light a few Menorahs as well, just to show how at war with Christmas we really are. Naturally, there would be no praying.
The objective of any social situation is to make everyone else feel dumb and always have the last word. Here are a few issues to discuss at tonight's dinner engagement, and a couple ways you can be a pompous, know-it-all prick when talking about them.
Talking Point: Obama's Asia trip was a disaster!
Anyone who brings this up is probably referring to Monday's Slate article written by Eliot Spitzer. But you don't have the schooling to discuss international politics! Divert attention from the real issue by taking a cheap shot at Spitzer for the prostitution scandal (which I'd estimate is still 2 years away from being stale) by doing something like pretending to confuse Spitzer with Charlie Sheen, then exclaiming "Oh sorry, I can't imagine how I mixed those two up!" to peals of laughter. Fair warning, though, in the wrong crowd this could lead to an earnest discussion of Two and a Half Men.
Talking point: Prince William is marrying a commoner!
Key know-it-all prick info: The notion that British royals are bound to marry other royals is actually false (note the use of the word "actually" here. "Actually" is a really good way to sound like a know-it-all prick). They've been marrying outside their own ranks for years. And thank god, because they were becoming known for their inbreeding. As for any issues the Queen has about the marriage, whip this one out: According to George Bernard Shaw in Pygmalion, "It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him"! Everyone is sure to laugh uproariously at this, and you'll be remembered for the most deftly applied Shaw quote of the season!
Some of these chicks were messed up in some serious stuff.
Kermit Covers Queen
You haven't seen true brilliance, until you see 'Under Pressure' performed by Kermit the Frog.
You haven't seen true brilliance, until you see 'Under Pressure' performed by Kermit the Frog.
Whoose Boobs Week 131: Teen Queen Boobs
Whoose Boobs is the internet’s #1 celebrity boob game. We show you three boobs and you have to tell us who they belong to.
Trannies vs. Mc Donalds
"the manager grabbed a pot of hot french fry grease and launched it at them....the drag queens retaliated smacking [him] in the head with a wet floor sign."
Mad Money Trailer
In theaters 1-18-08. Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes star as three female employees of the Federal Reserve who plot to steal money that is about to be destroyed.
Sloth-Beauty Queen Faceplant!
It's really hard to decide which is more embarrassing. Falling down a flight of stairs in front of millions of TV viewers, or striking a bizarre resemblance to Sloth while doing so.
That’s A Huge Cinnabon!
Beth Ditto, the rock and glam queen flashed the crowd a bit of her pink frosted cinnabon. 250 people instantly developed diabetes and gave up sugar.
Kathleen Turner
Kathleen Turner went from a feminine mannish woman to a manly drag queen. This is just plain awkward. Does anybody remember the "Serial Mom" days?
Live at LG: Limbeck - Big Drag
Limbeck are a band from the Los Angeles area, or to be more specific Orange County. They play a brand of classic California rock the way it used to be done back in the 70s. I have had a chance to see the band live a couple of times and their new self-titled record is one of my favorites of 2007. It’s the kinda music that makes you want to have a BBQ!
Annoying B*tch Falls Down
Kathy Griffin, AKA the world's most annoying female comedian/self-proclaimed D-List queen, fell down while getting out of a cab. She fell on her face. And we animated it.