Just kidding! She's not fat at all! In fact, she's probably anorexic! Her name is Brooklyn Decker, and she's married to that tennis player Andy Roddick - that guy who looks like Stifler, who is that guy in American Pie who wants to bang your mom.

Some quick facts about Brooklyn, who we're thinking about stalking (because why not!).

-She's 22-years-old

-She's giving you major bone right now

-She's on Twitter - which means it's easy to find reasons why she might be really annoying. Like this reason:

But then we stop looking at her Twitter feed and stumble upon photos like this and realize that we can put up with annoying people, so long as they look like the hottest freaking girl in the world.

But then we remember we're not Andy Roddick, and we don't have six-pack abs and our name isn't something awesome like The Situation. We slowly realize we're totally never going to bang Brookly Decker. Then we cry. Then we go to Subway and order some fatass sandwich, not the healthy ones that Jared orders. Then we go home, cry some more while looking at ourself in the mirror and then turn on the computer to try and find naked pictures of Brooklyn Decker on the internet.

Eventually we end up like this:

Go ahead. Get your Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Issue fix right here.

You've seen them on game shows. You've seen them in sushi restaurants. Japanese people are everywhere, and they're even inside your computer monitor, dancing like morons.

Ready for your brain to be melted? We've found 4 of the craziest Optical Illusions on the internet. When I sent these to my Mom and her friends, they were blown away. Almost immediatly, all of them ran to their internets, fired up AOL 5.0 and sent off a chainletter to everyone they knew. Subject line: IF YOU DON'T SEND THESE OPTICAL ILLUSIONS TO TEN PEOPLE YOU'LL GET THE HERP. Such sweet people. But seriously, these are some of the best Optical Illusions anywhere and they'll leave you completely baffled. The mind, it's a crazy, miraculous thing. 

1. In this optical illusion, all of the grey lines are parallel to each other.

2. This is the same type of illusion as above. All of the lines are parallel to each other, and all of the boxes are correct squares with 90 degree angles.

3. See the squiggly black lines? Yeah, they're not squiggly. They are completely straight. Your mind: it's effing with you.

4. This is the optical illusion that really got us. That circle is not a circle. It's a Triangle. Don't believe us? Hold your head close to the screen and take a closer look. It's a freaking triangle, dude.

If there's any way to start off the year and first week back from vacation, it's with Hayden Panettiere's butt. Legend has it that if you touch Hayden's behind with your finger and make her giggle, you'll recieve good luck for the rest of the year! Now smudge up that computer screen of yours!

See more of Hayden's behind at IDontLikeyouInThatWay.

We have to hand it to the Chinese news organization who put together this computer reenactment of the Tiger Woods crash/beating. It's dedication like this folks that makes you a WINNAR.

PailIsTheNewTan.com will change your life forever. Or at least until you vomit all over your computer screen. Since when to people spreak Marmalade on their skin? Delicious!

There's nothing like waking up in the morning, turning on your computer, browsing the latest gossip about Selena Gomez and then almost vomiting all over your computer screen after watching a chicken being put in a chicken plucker. Ah, Internet. WE HEART YOU.

Get close to your computer screen and check out what the hell is happening in this video. Bob Dylan = certifiably donkey bonkers. I'm not sure if he's channelling Tom Petty or he's just a happy-go-lucky albino leprechaun, but this is prolly one of the greatest things ever and I'll cheerish it for as long as it's on YouTube.

In this month's Playboy Magazine, supernerd James Cameron said he designed his female Avatar aliens with breasts, even though they're not placental mammals (don't worry, we have no idea what that means either!). Since the movie cost around $500 million and it's in 3D, we can only hope that those boobs are so amazing they pop out of the screen and punch us in the face so hard they give us a black eye. We hope! But what if they aren't? Whose computer generated/animated boobs will you fall back on?

We've always been partial to Angelina Jolie in Beowulf, which you probably didn't see because the movie sucked. But damn, look! They even made her eyes look like she wants nothing to do with us, just like in real life!

Do you have any favorite computer generated characters? Share in the comments. Watch our 10 Sexiest Cartoon Characters if you need a little help deciding.