Sacha Baron Cohen's smokin'-hot lady-friend, Isla Fisher, is with child. May the fate of Kazakhstan be saved!!

Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee were seen kissing recently, after spending the day together with their children. Could it be a third chance for the sexy couple?

Salma is with child, and with future husband. Dang, those Frenchies are fertile.

Seriously, what followed next makes Madonna's "SEX" book look like a children's story. Hot.

This was my favorite place to vacation as a child.

The SLIP are a trio from Boston and Montreal who sound like there’s at least 6 people in the band. When they were in out studio we kept having to double check and make sure there were only three of them. It’s true. Anyway, they came in and treated us to an acoustic-y rendition of their single called “Children of December.”

Celebrities were once children, too, you know! God they're ugly.

This year, Santa's got a different way of handling the "naughty" children on his list.

When the world's cruelest parents get creative, their children pay the price.

These Asian gymnasts put even Cirque de Soleil to shame when it comes to child labor and head-leaps.

I don't know why Jesus say these types of things, but it's beginning to upset the children.

Children's shows are the perfect place for weird mascots, ugly adults and violent, blood-hungry kangaroos.

Sometimes you just need to rest your head in the crotch of a pop star.

Parents: Watch this video if you want to know what your children are doing on MySpace. You'll never let them use the computer again.

Haley wrecked his car, Snakes switched to trains, and there’s no privacy at the sperm bank. Philip Norris is your man, although he’s too much of a pussy to go to the Middle East right now.

This is not actually puke. It's a child birth that went totally wrong! Woops!

This week Britney Spears might be pregnant, President Bush is unpopular with the polls, Scott Stap is a douche bag, and more signs of the Apocalypse.

This week Britney Spears almost kills her child, the world almost explodes, and other heartbreaking things that make you happy.

This commercial makes a great argument for population control.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.