Tara's got the most cock-eyed boobs I've ever seen. Therefore I must gouge out my eyes to see no more.

Hey Charlieeee, wake uuuuup! Yeah, Charlieeeee!

Britney, Paris, Lindsay and Tara Reid are back and this time they're defending NYC with their Spidey-senses!

Tara, Tara, Tara. Seriously, I don't think you know the real meaning of classy, because it includes a bra.

After corrective plastic surgery, Tara's abs are looking less like Sloppy Joe's and more like a stomach.

A surprisingly sober Tara Reid is looking less like a bag o' puke these days. Good for her.

I think the title of this says it all. Her ass sucks.

Even dispite her recent image makeover, Tara Reid wants us to know she's still partying 'til she falls down.

There are dozens of national and world disasters going on… but there's only one we're concerned with RIGHT NOW.

Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Tara Reid and Jessica Simpson are not just a bunch of sluts – they’re a bunch of sluts on popsicle sticks! In this episode, watch them as they’re about to die in an elevator!

Everybody’s favorite celebrity sluts are back for another round of slutiness. This time Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Tara Reid and Jessica Simpson talk about the latest gossip on their cellphones!

Hear Philip Norris' plan to solve America's addiction to gas - the Charlie Sheen way!

We all know that Tara Reid has a drinking problem, but did you know she also has a hemorrhoid problem? It’s sad, but true. To help you mourn we created a game called Ass-Roids. It’s like Asteroids, but with hemorrhoids. Get it?

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.