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And he is shufflin'.
The objective of any social situation is to make everyone else feel dumb and always have the last word. Here are a few issues to discuss at tonight's dinner engagement, and a couple ways you can be a pompous, know-it-all prick when talking about them.
Talking Point: Obama's Asia trip was a disaster!
Anyone who brings this up is probably referring to Monday's Slate article written by Eliot Spitzer. But you don't have the schooling to discuss international politics! Divert attention from the real issue by taking a cheap shot at Spitzer for the prostitution scandal (which I'd estimate is still 2 years away from being stale) by doing something like pretending to confuse Spitzer with Charlie Sheen, then exclaiming "Oh sorry, I can't imagine how I mixed those two up!" to peals of laughter. Fair warning, though, in the wrong crowd this could lead to an earnest discussion of Two and a Half Men.
Talking point: Prince William is marrying a commoner!
Key know-it-all prick info: The notion that British royals are bound to marry other royals is actually false (note the use of the word "actually" here. "Actually" is a really good way to sound like a know-it-all prick). They've been marrying outside their own ranks for years. And thank god, because they were becoming known for their inbreeding. As for any issues the Queen has about the marriage, whip this one out: According to George Bernard Shaw in Pygmalion, "It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him"! Everyone is sure to laugh uproariously at this, and you'll be remembered for the most deftly applied Shaw quote of the season!
Time Traveler in Chaplin Movie
In Charlie Chaplin's film "The Circus," a woman in the background looks like she’s on a cell phone.
In Charlie Chaplin's film "The Circus," a woman in the background looks like she’s on a cell phone.
Hugh Hefner. The dude has obviously gone off the rails. During the last season of Girls Next Door we could kind of see that he was losing it, but this just confirms everything. Sure, she looks decent on this cover, but what will you find once you open up those pages? Our guess is after the jump.
Tara Reid Is On Bikinication
It always happens a couple times a year: for a week straight Tara Reid makes the paparazzi take photos of her in a bikini, and for a week straight we laugh at her stomach.
Tara Reid's Stomach Is Hungry for Dog
This is how she's feeding that deformed stomach of hers? That thing needs to call down before it turns into a TOOOOMER.
Tara Reid New Years
Tara did the New Years Eve countdown at the Marriot party in Chicago. Even Pedro was there! Why do you think she took so long with that count-down?
Tara Reid And Date Have Disturbing Stomachs
How adorable. Tara Reid found a man with a stomach almost as disturbing has hers! Flabbiness 4evah!
Charlie Alba
Jessica Alba posed as Charlie Chaplin for a recent photo shoot because she was told to not because she had any idea whom he was.
Don't Recall Tara Reid's Bikini
Everyone laughs at her now but when that Quato she's holding inside of her pops its head out and holds the secrets to humanity's survival, she'll be the one laughing.
Michael Jordan vs. The Sheens
In what is most likely "the greatest athletic competition you never knew existed", Martin & Charlie Sheen play basketball against Michael Jordan way back in 1988.
Tara Reid is Spring Break
There is nothing more inspiring than the perseverance Tara Reid displays every year in Cancun. She takes a beating and keeps on tickin', she'll never retire, unlike Brett Favre.
Celebrity Russian Roulette
It’s time to grab yourself a gun and play a game of Russian Roulette with your favorite celebrities: Lindsay Lohan, Tara Reid and the Governator.
Charlie Wilson's War Trailer
In theaters 12-25-07. Based on George Crile's book about the CIA's largest and most successful covert CIA operation, the arming of the Mujahedeen in Afghanistan. The covert ops were engineered by Charlie Wilson a charismatic, wheeler-dealer, liberal Texas congressman who teamed with a rogue CIA operative. The two manipulated Congress, the CIA and a host of foreign governments in order to assist the Afghan rebels in their fight against the Soviets in the 1980s. Many of the men armed by the CIA went on to become the Taliban's enforcers and Osama bin Laden's protectors.
Upskirt Mouse Pad
Charlie boy has had plenty of accusations slung against him by his crazy wife Denise. However, when photos of this perverted mouse pad showed up, all fingers pointed to the Sleaze.